Is it 2011 so soon already?

The school year is drawing to an end and as this year closes, it would have been 5 years of serving in Grace Resource Centre. Many of my friends, upon asking me how long I've worked, marvel at my long term relationship at such a place:

I like to share with them just how much I love my job.

I like to tell them about the kids that I love to spend time with.

I might not like the paperwork, but I love the results I see in teens and kids who study hard.

I like to talk about how I've learnt loads of stuff about myself from those younger than me.

I would never hesitate to share about the miracles and blessings God has shown me in this job.

If given a choice to return to the writing world in the newspaper with the choice of being at GRC, I would choose GRC anyday. Not because the pay is fantastic or it's a place where my ego gets stroked more and I get to be bossy or domineering to the people under my care.

It's not that.

I would never leave my job at GRC because it's simply a place where I've found a calling that is unlike anything else. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than to spend the day with my kiddies. Did I tell you that I love my young people alot? That if I'm tired, upset, or even sick; they are probably the first ones to notice and ask me to sit down, get me a drink, or ask me if I'm ok. They tell me don't stress, don't get angry.

My job isn't JUST a job, mind you. My job is my passion. The pay honestly stinks to me but what is more valuable are the life lessons that I've picked up for the past 5 years. Every year stands out for its different events, that I remember and treasure. The school camps we've held where we felt the tangible presence of God fall upon us in the dark even when electricity zapped out. To be able to minister although I lost my glasses and still God used my wretchedness to touch the children. The faces of those whom I have seen them cry out to God in prayer and take that bold step of faith to lead their generation in the Christian Fellowship despite circumstances... the incidents are countless to me.

Because we want to do exploits in the name of our Saviour.

We want to stand up and be counted for our generation.

There is a burning passion to make a difference.

This is what I learnt from GRC so far. To still ride the storm even if it looks dark and menacing. To be able to grit my teeth and keep rowing even if the waves threaten to crash on me.

In my weakness, Jesus, You are strong enough.

Currently, things are going so haywire that I wonder and wonder and wonder... should I stay put and ride this storm. Or should I set sail for a different course. There are such journeys in life where you decide to change direction and embark on something new. Could this be for me right now?

I have absolutely no idea.

But what would Jesus do?

We have to separate ourselves from being a fanatic Bible thumper and a Christian who uses faith.

The way things are going currently, it seems like a Gideon situation. He's hiding and threshing wheat in a winepress [read: possible COWARD] but along comes an angel of God who calls Gideon by who he is and not what he is at that moment: a mighty man of courage/valor. God saw what was to come and not what was in the present.

I want to see the better things that are yet to come.

Gideon won the battle not with a huge army, God took care to whittle down the numbers.

Gideon didn't win with heavy artillery, God gave him wisdom to win.

Gideon didn't really fight, God caused the enemies to thrash around among themselves in the dark and kill each other

it was GOD, GOD, and GOD.

and right now, I can't do anything about the situations that are cropping up in school.

Uncle Kevin, I think I would never be able to say this without crying. I know I can always see you whenever I want, but having you leave GRC... I feel helpless and I feel lost. I know your time is up at GRC and you have to move on to where God wants you to be. I know I will miss you very much and that somehow, I have lost a very dear mentor and father. Coming back in 2011 without hearing you and your jokes, seeing you give the boys a nice neck squeeze and nagging me to clean my table... I will miss you dearly. But I will be strong and not let circumstances keep me down for good. What you've taught me, I will do.

To the two of you, I really wish I could do more than what I can do now. I have tried my utmost best to stand up but the system is screwed up. I wish I could do more, really I do. Everyday, I pass by your table in the class and I miss seeing you there. I miss having to chase you back to your seat. I miss helping you in your math. I miss having intellectual conversations and raving about how people born in February are so awesome. Somehow, nothing happens with God permitting it. So I do believe that though you're not in school anymore, there's still a better plan by God for you. So don't give up and keep the faith.

To you, I can't mention your name here, lest risking trouble descending upon you. I wish we could have you in charge again. I miss the days when the children and I could just come into your room and smile and talk to you. Now, the amount of red tape surrounding you and the amount of effort put in to shelf you to one side is incredible. I wonder what they are so afraid of? I have no idea who feels threatened here or why feel that way in the first place? sigh... but I wish that one day, you will be back to serve us just the way you always have been. I know alot of things go on, the decisions made and executed, are not within your power and most of the time not within your knowledge as well. I can sense your heart is aching and you feel tired and helpless. GRC misses you so much! That's all I can express. One day, they'll come to their senses and that's when we need you to return. Don't give up, please.

And to my dearest kiddies, thank you for being there. Those who know what's going on, you guys and girls are awesome :D thank you to some closer ones who have been through the storms and are still standing in faith. I salute your strength in character. It makes me feel comforted to know that you are all maturing and knowing what is important in life. I know I am sending out soldiers of God, not lazy and blur children of God. Your presence in my life inspires me to hang on just one more day - one day at a time :) i love you

God, thank You above all for being there sustaining me. For letting me have those moments where I just run to You and cry. For those sleepless nights where I can only sit there and allow Your Spirit to just touch me and comfort me. You have been the most faithful to my life and I know the good work that You've started at GRC, You will bring to completion.

Goodbye soon 2010, hello 2011!