Man In The Mirror

the greatest challenge in life is not counting how much money you have

the greatest challenge to accomplish is not how many mountains you've climbed

the greatest hurdle to jump across isn't the Amazing Race or a marathon even

the greatest test isn't sitting for the toughest exam in the world in passing it well

i think the biggest victory in life... is to be able to overcome yourself.

i am my biggest enemy. all the devil needs to do is to keep me preoccupied and busy with myself, so that i lose sight of the things or people around me. all i need to do is to focus on me, I and myself and the devil can start throwing a party already.

the battle is over when a soldier throws his rifle to the ground and lifts his hands to surrender to the enemy.

are you goin to grab ahold of God and keep fighting the good fight?

i can choose today to wake up and call myself a sinner, good-for-nothing human being...

and yet i can choose to stand up and call myself a saint.

i'm not being proud. but i remember my Bible says that i am God's "elect" and i'm chosen to walk and live in the "perfect life" that Christ has died for to enable me to do so.

i am born of royalty.

i am not a pauper.

i am destined for greatness.

i am not a failure.

its a point to change again. i wonder if i'm up to it? my enemy isn't really the devil, the biggest person stopping me from changing is myself.

are we all willing to own up to that?

i'm starting with the man in the mirror

i'm asking him to change his ways

free

just had a great cell group today. interesting things that came to my mind : )

#1: How you act/think/say things, depends on how you've been brought up

#2: What you dream of, is your driving passion

#3: We need to turn our perspective, and pattern after God to inherit His pattern of abundant life

p.s. focus on God! focus on God! focus on God!

and if i had wings, i would fly

'cause all that i need, You are

and if the world caved in around me

to You i'd still hold on

i never knew

i never knew that just hearing those words could make me feel like crying.

i never knew that those words would mean so much to me.

when i waved away the compliment and i was asked to receive the compliment with a "thank you" instead... i never knew it was coming my way.

the next sentence blew my heart away...

"you're special, you know?"

wow. what a revelation : )

do you ever feel?

will my weakness for an hour

make me suffer for a lifetime

is there anyway to be made whole again?

and if i'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness

find a strength i've never had

will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?

is He not strong enough? is He not pure enough?

to break me pour me out and start again

is He not brave enough to take one chance on me?

please can i have one chance to start again?

i forgot about this song for quite a while. this song moves me to tears whenever i hear it because it reminds me just how frail i feel at times on the inside. times when i give into temptation, or times when i just react in stubbornness and defiance and just reject the very plan of grace and peace that has been offered to me.

it is that real. that i have spat in His face at times. there have been moments when i forcedly wrenched my hand from His warm grasp and went on my own way.

those moments make me realise just how important God is.

insignificant? i've felt that much for the better part of this year.

unwanted? i've felt that all my life.

unloved? i've seen the reality of what love is in this world.

but nothing compares to what God offers. in my times of darkness, He has come through and i believe He comes through for every single one of us, even if we feel like we're miles away from Him, even if we wonder how He could possibly love people like us and disregard the wretches that we are.

it's a decision to turn back. i've made that decision tons of times. it's a journey learning to know the One who loves us.

its a path i have chosen. it sometimes hurts to know that not everyone understands that path, not even those closest to you, but its something that i have chosen and i will stay committed to it because the One who loves me walks that path with me every single day of my life.

because He is strong enough.

The Peanut Game

let's play the peanut game, shall we? make a list of how does a peanut look to you on the inside, then another list of what a peanut is on the inside.

Outside:

1. rough

2. dirty

3. brown

4. wrinkled

5. smells bitter

Inside:

1. tastes great

2. shiny

3. smooth

4. crunchy

5. fragrant

what's your list today about the outside and insides of a peanut?

the lesson here is:

don't judge a peanut by its shell, judge it by what's inside of it

everyone's a peanut. we all look different outside. tall, short, fat, skinny, white, brown, yellow, curly haired, straight haired, smart, slow, mandarin-speaking, english educated, overseas transfer, locals, leaders, followers, siblings, cousins, friends, rough, gentle, polite, crude, honest, introverted...

the list goes on how different we all our - our shells are different. and whether we admit or not, we're so caught up with labelling everyone by how they look/feel/sound on the outside, we neglect the "real stuff" inside.

discrimination and rejection is the very reason why there isn't understanding and acceptance. we won't allow the colour of a person's heart be the colour of his skin, the basis of his beliefs or self worth. but instead, we judge by what we see.

i'm guilty of this. everyday i walk into school, at the back of my mind... when i see someone not doing their work, the instant teacher alert goes off "lazy student!!!" and i've caught myself more than ever being judgemental and i have to fight it off daily the best i can and look at my students without prejudice and walk up to them and ask them why didn't they finish their work. and i realise, some of them have difficulty understanding the work, some were facing problems at home and it disrupted their concentration...

if you decide to put on tinted glasses or choose to look at everyone of you as a peanut on the outside... then you would only see a sea of peanuts everyday. your parents, friends, family,church, colleagues would just be the group of brown, rough looking, ugly and bitter peanuts. that's how everyone would look on the outside. everyone is just UGLY!

but what if you took the time to peel away that exterior. to peel away a person's faults, the crack open that hard shell and look beyond what people put on the outside? what would you find?

when you can crack that shell and look into a person's heart, you realise that the person has more than what meets the eye. inside that person, there could be potential and strength. as you strip away those layers of discrimination, you realise that the person sitting next to you could be just the same as you. and you find that you do have something in common after all : )

as much as people around you look like an old, brown and dusty peanut... you are a peanut as well. and wouldn't you like to tell people that inside this peanut, you're more than what is outside? people like peanuts not because of their shell. they love to eat peanuts because of what is inside the shell. it's the inside that counts the most for a peanut, is it not?

at the end of the day, we're all peanuts : ) and i'm glad that on Friday, many of the peanuts that i love came together and made the decision to look beyond the shell and into the place where it matters the most - the heart.

lets live out this verse together as a big family of peanuts, to glorify Him who made us : )

"So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching."

(Hebrews 10:23-25, The Message Bible)

and even if i searched all the world

i would never find a love like Yours

when God answers a prayer, it feels awesome : )

today.. as i was in my car reading an sms... it made me shed a tear of thankfulness to God : )

what's my answered prayer? well, its for God to touch this certain person that i've been praying for. it's just that simple.

but i realise perhaps, for that person concerned... the journey to arrive at the point where she felt moved by God.. felt compelled by God and felt loved by God... it was perhaps not as simple?

i'm not sure of the process. but i'd love to hear from you personally what made you change so much? the change is so obvious that i've been thinking about it since after lunch until this very moment as I type.

you can tell i'm pleased. that's because i'm so excited that God has answered this prayer of mine :D it's totally exciting! the obvious change in you is a joy that not only I share in as well. for those who know you, i am sure they have been praying for you as well and noticing the change ; )

so don't give up on this new journey that you've embarked on. somehow, your choice of study is going to be very much affected by this new discovery of what God can do in your life. trust me, it's a rollercoaster ride, but it's worth every single step you make, every tear you cry and every choice you make in His direction, in His way, and in His will.

p.s. you're doing just fine where you are. don't give up yet, the best is yet to come! :D

i just wanted to say this to you

no matter how long you have been away, you were never far from our hearts.

no matter if you fail and don't meet up to the standards, you are still loved and accepted.

no matter how many times you screw up, you are still forgiven.

no matter how difficult it is, don't you give up, hang on.

no matter what happens, you will always have my support and shoulder to lean on.

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i've been thinking about stuff recently and i realize... just how much i love having you in my life.

thank you Victoria Elizabeth Phang, for your awesome smiles and laugh

thank you Wee Yen, for cracking a joke when i'm stressed, it helps i assure you : )

thank you Sarah Ti, for being the "sampat" and "siao kia" person you are

thank you Ryan Tan, for being so capable and helpful

thank you Girl, for being sarcastic and funny when i'm stressed up

thank you Kathryn Marie Phang, for letting me bully you

thank you Raquel Ho, your randomness rocks ; )

thank you Roberts, for being you = )

thank you Sophira, for popping by school just on the days i need to see you

thank you Roanne, for caring when i was stressed up

thank you Justine, for being the brutally honest person that you are, its refreshing : )

thank you Hazel, for always being the responsible one, eventhough i know you're tired

thank you Nathaniel, for giving your work your 110% and listening to me

thank you Joel Tan, for being SO CUTE :D

thank you Jason, for never failing to greet me in the morning and when you leave

thank you Chanelle, for being real with life and daring to tell me things

thank you Paul Mae, for making me smile when you come for the Science Grade 5 DVD

thank you Di Fan, for asking me all your wise 7-year old questions

thank you Tetsuo, for giving it your best when i expect you to : )

thank you Tze Yun, for trying your best in every test you take, i'm proud of you

i always thought heroes were those in action movies, those who received prizes or worldwide recognition for their acts of kindness/bravery...

but i'm proud to say that in the classroom... there are heroes there everyday single day. They fight their personal battles, they join forces and face the unknown as a single family unit. There is not a moment where they don't conquer personal fears, the uncertainties they face at school, at home or at church.

in fact, they inspire me. you guys/girls are awesome : ) just to let you know, and that includes all those whose names i didn't mention up there.

keep fighting. keep believing in the right things. keep looking at God. we can win this together (no pun intended)

but honestly, from the bottom of my heart... i love you kids alot. and yes, i'm feeling nostalgic. don't blame me :P i just am..haha

September ended well

Dear diary,

I learnt a valuable lesson on Wednesday.

That friendships are a choice.

I learnt that no matter what crap life gives you, life still has to go on and somehow amidst all the nonsense and confusion... God is still in control. I'm really thankful that I prayed about stuff and found peace to do/say the things I did on Wednesday.

I learnt that if I really care, I just need to say that I care. Being a bystander and trying to act tough really doesn't work for me. I wasn't meant to "act tough" anyway. All I needed was just to be honest and sincere.

Even though things didn't turn out like a happy ending. In fact, it doesn't look like anything at the moment... I still feel great. I still think that I can sleep at night with the confidence that I fought for friendship. That despite what I was feeling for the beginning of the week, I decided to rage against those emotions and choose based on fact and not feeling. I decided for faith and not failure.

I'm in the last leg of the year - October and November. December is my well earned year-end holiday. I'm already feeling excited with my own personal plans - drive out and spend time alone with myself and God, help out in a camp, spend one last time with those graduating and going to college.

September ended well, and i intend to see that October and the rest of the days be filled with joy, hope, peace and faith. That's something that I will definitely need God to be in charge of : )

For what it's worth, i really treasured the past things that have happened from January until September. There's no doubt about it that God was and still is in charge of my life.

For what it's worth, though you might not be reading this... I just want to say...

That i'm glad you're a friend. Not for one second i doubted that. and thank God, not for one second you gave up on me. Thank you.

i will bring praise

i will bring praise

no weapon formed against me shall remain