BGR

These past few months boy-girl relationships have been like a main topic of discussion around me - whether its at church, at work (in school) or on MSN. So much so, that its really got me thinking about this topic.

When you've grown up to understand your own strengths and weaknesses. When you realise where you are headed in life e.g. which career path to take. When you realise that getting a boy/girl friend is about accepting the person's weaknesses and not just the good things about that person. When you are ready to settle with just that one person and resist the temptation of looking for someone else. When you are self-sufficient, you can take care of yourself as an individual. When you are ready to commit to a relationship in view of marriage and spending the rest of your life with that person.

Through friendship as you get to know the other person more and more... you will realise the person's weaknesses, not just his/her strengths. It takes more than a year or a few months to know a person in and out, so don't jump into conclusions so fast.

So what's the hurry? Before you can commit to loving a person emotionally and physically, lets focus on being friends first. If as a friend, you can't even command the basic sense of respect, trust and commitment; what is the point of getting a boyfriend or girlfriend? And being a couple isn't about holding hands, hugging and kissing alone. It's about giving a part of yourself to the other and vice versa. It's about choosing the love that person for what he or she cannot be in this life as well.

A lot of people ask me whether I like anyone. I can be honest enough and say that when I was 15, I asked a boy if he'd be my boyfriend. All because I felt an endearing sorta affection for him because he was a boy everyone liked to bully. It felt good to be able to support him. But after 3 days I dumped him because I realised I wasn't able to give him the emotional support and understanding. I hardly knew him well enough.

When I was 19 I had a major crush for a guy who was talented in music. He was sensitive, caring, humorous and he was charming. We'd talk on the phone for hours every other day and we'd share our thoughts on our future and what we wanted out of life. But in the end, he started to like a close friend of mine. And later I found out that he lied alot about his life and was badmouthing me behind my back about how I was always sticking to him. Well, so much for friendship. Haha.

Last year, I realised that I liked someone a lot. He's humourous, sensitive, responsible and godly in conduct and was serious about life. However, I knew that friendship and deep comradeship would be the most we could have. So I extinguished my feelings for that person.

Life is pretty much the same. Sometimes, we don't know why we like that person. Maybe because that guy/girl has something in common with us... maybe because we seem to have a lot to talk about with each other... maybe what we want in our love of our life seems to appear in one particular person.

It can be confusing. But what is more important is that this person is approved by God. Whether or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. A crush, a sense of attraction is not enough to warrant a green light in a boy-girl relationship. Sometimes, friendships get hurt because of that. Sometimes, emotions are so disturbed that some never recover after that.

If we haven't had a full grasp on what we want out of our own lives, what gives us the liberty to affect another's life through a romantic relationship?

truth versus fact

Sometimes we wonder whether the words "truth" and "fact" have the same meaning. For me...

Fact tells me that friendship needs to be cultivated through interaction and time.
Truth tells me that the friendship is and will always be strong eventhough the odds are against us at times.

Fact tells me that you can keep it inside and no one will know what's going on.
Truth tells me to look beyond all that and still want to be there for you no matter what.

Fact says that as long as you don't complain, moan or groan... you're fine.
Truth says whether rain or shine, to still pray for you and hug you when I can :)

Fact reminds me that I only have a limited capacity to care for a friend.
Truth says that once a friend, always a friend, screw the limits.

Truth is... no matter if you don't tell me what's going on in life, or whether you are around or not at school... whether you're happy or sad... I will always be there for you as your teacher, friend and supporter in anything you want to do in life.

Keep smiling and continue to be the cheerful, active and special person that you are, Soph. I wish I could do more than just keep you company on MSN. You want an outing? I'll definitely give you one now that I have a car (: So watch out cuz I'll be driving by with a gang of crazy teens and we're gonna have a fun-filled day that will chase the blues away!

Until then, take care. I love you very-berry much! You'll always be someone special in my life. God bless you, kiddo!

thank you kiddies and friends

Thank you so much for caring:

1. To my GRC kiddies who told me (via MSN, sms) to get well soon, who told me that they were praying for me, who called me to check on me (love you, JRoberts!!!), who helped me to settle this Friday's chapel (wee yen and roberts!!!) and junior-preaching (chanelle and sarah ti).

2. To Mr. Fan who took the time and trouble to send me to the LRT station on Wednesday so that I could go home to see the doctor, and for nagging me to sleep earlier last night and stop MSN-ing.

3. To Uncle Kevin for coming down from USJ to help out in the classroom because I wasn't able to go to work today.

4. To Mrs. Lee (Esther Lee's mom) for sms-ing wishing me well and praying for my recovery.

5. For my beloved cell members (belinda, kathleen, colleen, connie, monica and elaine) who were there for me last night to pray and lay hands on me to believe for healing.

6. To my housemates (ah hoong, zoe, xiao xuan) who put up with my endless ranting in my hazy consciousness of wanting to eat nonsensical things like KFC, Big Macs, Fries, Cream Soups, Mash Potatoes - which are a no-no to my digestive system.

7. To the doctor who gave me the medicine and waited one day for me to come back to pay my medical bills because I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed after going home to get the money :P

is this me?

What Catherine Ong Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

time of reflection

I've been sick for the past one and a half days with stomach flu. A lot of people who heard me use that term "stomach flu" ask me what it is. Does that mean my stomach is having the flu? To put it in simpler terms... my stomach is currently infected with a nasty virus that generates toxins in my intestines and stomach which results in fever, vomitting, nausea, stomach pain and cramps, giddiness and diarrhea. So far the cramps and pain have stopped. I had a bout of throwing up twice - all my precious orange juice, handful of rice and two table spoons of soup and seaweed, crackers, water and medicine - all came out *ugh* Plus last night I had to sleep through recurring high fever and chills. I've never been so sick my whole life, except in 2005 when I had tonsilitis in UK and I was bed-ridden for 4 days because I was sick and had an allergic reaction to penicillin after that. Even now as I type I still feel physically weak because the lack of solid food is draining me... even my hair is limp and lifeless... haha.

But yesterday, as I sat there moping and trying to work up the strength to choose worship songs for cell group, it was already 8pm and I was still on MSN trying to use my mind to convince my body to get up to choose songs. It was too late to tell my cell leader to "choose someone else" and I felt responsible to still go ahead with it eventhough I was sick. When worship came, God just took over, I don't know where I found the strength to even sing so loud, and strum the guitar without feeling dizzy...because generally being on my feet made me feel giddy already. Praise God for that!

During cell group, we read out loud verses on healing. The verse, "....by His stripes we are healed..." and my cell leader emphasised that for every whip lash diseases were beaten away from us and placed unto Jesus. It really struck me as I was listening through my hazy consciousness and I imagined and visualised the whip lashes as they opened up the back of Jesus, just how painful it was for Him. He went through so much pain for a much more lesser pain of mine? The reality of God's sacrifice for me makes me want to get well real soon to thank Him with a healthy life for the things He went through for my sakes on the cross.

Thank You, Jesus. The things You did on the cross for me. I'm being healed even as I speak even as I breathe. And I'm grateful to just even be alive. You went through so much more for small, insignificant things in my life. Because You chose to love me first, let me now choose to love You forever until the my days on earth reach their very last.

Love You, JC =)

God, why are we so screwed up in our souls?

parents should love their children... all the time.

to my future children... I'm going to love you no matter what. I will.