Friends are...

Friends are...

... those who make you smile the best in a group picture

... people who walk everywhere together

... the ones you have crazy but fun times with

... your fellow soldiers

... those you share food with :)

... people who scream digitally :)

the rhythm of the week

I'm starting to like what I've been doing of late. Pretending that I'm natural with things and somehow deciding to do what is right and not make a choice of preference for something that I would prefer.

Because I realise... if it is to be, it is UP TO ME.

At times I feel like screaming. I feel like standing up and walk away from a lot of things. Most of the time, the conversations I have in my mind are contradicting and at war at each other nonstop.

Last weekend was the first taste of disappointment. I couldn't get to go to Passion World Tour. An event that I had prayed about, set aside money and prepared my heart for more than a month.... resulted in.. "All tickets are sold out" and seeing my friends being able to go because they'd booked via online using credit card. I mentally kicked myself so many times for not acting on instinct and going ahead to buy the tickets when I was at DUMC the other week... not that I hesitated, but I was waiting for confirmation from people. But yeah well... it sucks and it still hurts to have a "what if" in me now. Perhaps it feels worse still when the friend you thought you could just ask for comfort from goes all jolly and rubs it in that they have their ticket and I don't. So what if I cried? I'm darn disappointed!

A deeper taste of disappointment comes from seeing effort being put to waste. Constant reminders ignored. The tidak apa Malaysian attitude that so successfully creeps in to influence people for the worse. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to care. My attention is conditional as far as I see it. When a favour is needed, I'm the garment you choose to match your situation. When it doesn't suit your taste anymore, I am thrown aside and made nothing.

I'm not taking it personal. Honestly, I have better things in life to be worried about. The whole world population still needs to hear about Jesus Christ died on the cross for their sakes. I can't afford to deal with immaturity while I have other things to be concerned about. Academics are more important at this point of life for most of them. So I shall respond appropriately.

I feel used up. It's nothing personal. I just want to feel happy again without feeling pressured, angry, disappointed and stressed.

People I miss at this moment: Sophira, Grace Goh, Roanne Lau, Bernice, Charissa, Monica

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

am crying...

... because I knew I should have not waited.

Now I'll miss it.

Goodbye Passion World Tour.

Starbucks, anyone?

A cat has just landed in this place that I call home. We picked it from the Taman Megah market place and proceeded to bring it to my wangsa maju apartment with the full intention of letting it go to the streets.

But fate has it that somehow I decided it would come to my house and now it lives in a shoe box lined with newspaper and cloth, drinks Fernleaf powdered milk laced with sugar from a MAS square food tray (the one where they put salad in it) and meows like nobody's business when its hungry.

We baptised it in a green tea mild soap bath and fluffed it dry in a towel. Where it proceeded to fall asleep inside the towel and later on was given the shoebox by Connie (the mother) to sleep in my room. I'm supposed to be the father because I'm the one who disciplines the cat apparently.

After thinking of names - Puss in Boots (cuz of the shoe box), Cally (cuz its a Calico cat) - we decied to name it STARBUCKS. Don't ask me why, the name just fits. It looks like a latte mix expresso anyways because its white, black and black-orangey :P

Here's one picture of it sleeping. It fell asleep while peeking over its shoe box to look at me.

This is one of Starbucks on my bed's comforter getting sleepy. Isn't she cute? <3

Pastor Gloria said I can keep it in the house for now. So in the mean time, I'm going to go shop for a litter box and enquire about how much it costs to deworm the kitten. I shall get it a collar with a bell on it so we can locate t when it hides and think of a way to fence off a place in my room so that I can train Starbucks to do its poo=poo :)

I love pets, so don't be surprised if I gush about my kitten too much. YOU ARE WARNED HUMANS!!!!

A Confession

After reading a recent post by a kidd0-friend (if you know me, you know why i say it this way), it made me cry.

I don't usually cry. Tears are meant for very serious moments. Some people shed tears because a loved one dies, extreme pain and sorrow.

It was conviction for me.

I realise that perhaps though I might seem busy for God at work, I haven't been busy working on my relationship with Him. Thus making me feel this intense sense of guilt, sadness and conviction.

To be honest, there are tons of things I know I should do but because I'm alone in doing them now, I just don't feel motivated to work on them alone.

I just gave out the "My Future Goals" paper to my devotion class today and encouraged them to plan out their next one year, three years and ten years. I shared the importance of planning and how God will be there to deliver them from any harm. The double-edged sword hurt the most today as I shared the Word.

Call to me and I will show you great and mighty things, things that you do not know of. (Jeremiah 33:3)

I think I've called less upon God. I've been functioning so naturally that the spiritual part of me is kind of numbed. Don't get me wrong, I stil sense the Holy Spirit and I love God with all my heart, mind and soul; but somehow... it's time to take this another level higher.

So now, I'm going to make my call. I'm going to call out to my Father in Heaven. I'm going to call on my Saviour, my Redeemer and my Deliverer. Because I think I'm going to sink if I don't reach out and call to Jesus. No, I'm not backsliding or leaving my Christian faith, but somehow, I need to get out of this weird depression and black hole feeling I have within me.

I'm thankful for the blog post. Thank you, kiddo. God used you to give me a wakeup call :)

where do we go from here?

It's July and 6 months of the years have passed in a twinkling of an eye. As a friend said, "where did the year go to all of a sudden?"

For me, it's been work, church, rest... work, church, rest... Even more so this year where we have a lot of new students. Currently now I handle 26 students and most of them are boys (I think its 19 boys versus 7 girls in my class).

In the midst of being busy something always manages to pull me one step away from the hustle and bustle, the stress and the speed of things..

It's You, Jesus =)

When I am tired, You've been there to restrengthen me
The days when I loath going to tuition, when inside I'm dying to take a nap.
The days when I wish I didn't need to walk over to someone's table because the flag is up.
The days when a fight breaks out in school and I wish someone else would handle it.

When I am discouraged, You've lifted me up
The days when I'm lonely, and needed a kind word from people I didn't expect
The days when I was just strumming the guitar and singing to You
The days when my advice, nagging and respect get treated like dirt

When I fail, You said, "It's okay, try again. I am with you always."
The days when I realised I could have been less angry with people
The days when a child wasn't given enough love
The days when I realised I don't love You as much as I know I should

When I cry, You wipe my tears away
The days when nothing seems to work and it falls apart
The days when I search my heart and see a place that hurts You, not me
The days when I desperately wished that I could do more than what I can do now

these are the times that You have been with me - fatigue, discouragement, failure and sorrow.
these are the times when You seem closest to me.
these are the times that I know I need to fall into Your arms and rest.

its been such a rough 6 months God... I know You're grace is sufficient for me. Though I am weak, You are so much strong!

i will stop trying to work hard on Your behalf and leave it to Your awesome hands to work wonders in my life.

God, I want the next 6 months that in December i won't recount the four pains in my life - I want STRENGTH, HOPE, SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS !!! amen!!!!

Crazy + Happy = 2008 with Friends