Monday 31 August 2009

a good holiday : )

i'm real glad that i decided to go ahead with the Penang trip eventhough there were obstacles and considerations. somehow, i knew if i didn't go, i would not have been able to hear what i needed to hear from God. somehow, i think Penang has become something a place of reflection and pondering.


"you're on the right track."

i needed to hear that.

but it wasn't because i needed to justify my choices or decisions for the past few months and days before. it wasn't because i was indignant and i wanted to just prove a point though to some it might have seemed that way.

i needed to hear my Father's voice.

i needed to be sure that i wasn't stepping out of boundaries and i needed to be assured by Him that i wouldn't take a step that would make me drown and sink.

and as i bowed my head and prayed and make that silent plea in my heart. as i opened up my palms to show him all my doubts, worries and fears. as i surrendered them quietly while not knowing what would happened...

...He answered.

because my God is mighty to save, HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE.

and though at times, we get tired of singing this song... i won't get tired of saying it in the way You love to hear me say...

I love You, Jesus... deep down in my heart : )

p.s. thank you Connie. i think talking things out made me realise what God wants me to do. who said midnight talks don't work :p

Tuesday 25 August 2009

august came and went

the month of August is drawing to an end and somehow, i just want to say thank you to God... to give Him the due honour, glory and highest praise for bringing me through it all somehow : )

#1: Keeping me safe
maybe some of you know (or don't), i got involved in a car accident last week on Monday on the 17th. it was my fault but nevertheless God still didn't let anything happen to me or my passenger in the front.

the scariest part of it wasn't about me getting hurt, but it was about endangering the life of a passenger as a result of my carelessness. my heart stopped when I felt the car go out of control. But thank God, no harm came to both of us physically. I was totally relieved to know that my passenger was all right! *phew*

#2: Angels sent to help
angels on assignment : ) fixing my car was a huge bill and i wasn't able to cough up the cash to handle the payment. one angel came and offered followed by another angel. i am so totally thankful for you guys coming to offer help in time of need.

God-sent : ) that's what you two are. i can't thank you enough.

in your words, "just remember to pay it forward."

and i am. i'm beginning to see how and where and when i can ; )

#3: Growing up and letting go
this has perhaps been an area where it always troubles me alot. i guess none of us really enjoy letting go and going into areas or uncharted courses >_<

i suppose this comes with time and experience... for a period of time in the month of August, God has opened my eyes again to see the error of my ways. My pride, my ignorance and my reluctance. i've heard the story of Jonah twice already and its pricking my conscience like crazy. It's God once again saying,

you've been running away from Me, kiddo

and in my wretchedness, no matter how i explain or reason myself out of it... i know He's never wrong. He didn't make a mistake for calling me a run-away.

I am. I have been. I've been trying to live life in the shadows, not His shadow. that's the problem. I thought i could make it on my own and make a new life. I guess God has His own agenda, as usual.

and i know i just have to say this and get it off my heart and mind:

i really don't know how to say this... but ... im letting it go. not that i mean i don't care and all that, but i'm letting it go mentally and emotionally for awhile. i need to do this because if not, i wonder if i could ever learn to trust, accept and love someone in a deeper sense. i need to learn something out of this because i know God wants that part of my character.

God's been asking me for that part of my heart, that part of me that makes me the person I am... and He's saying that i need to take a break from using that part of my heart on people even if it means that no one will understand me while He is trying to teach me a very important lesson.

You know you're always a very important person, friend, family member, comrade... you are. just that for now, i really need to take a break.

Saturday 15 August 2009

to my kids at GRC

what did i want to be when i was growing up, everything else except a teacher ; )


really. i wanted to be a doctor, vet, lawyer, policewoman, bus driver, pilot, graphic designer, singer, artist, radio DJ, journalist, writer, magazine editor, event manager, prime minister, politician, cafe owner....

...but not a teacher :P

and somehow or rather, i find myself in a position as a teacher. something, that i even told myself that i would never, ever pick up for this whole lifetime.

to tell you the truth, its been the best job so far that i've had in my whole life. i get bored with jobs very fast, so far the only few jobs that haven't been boring is teaching and being a journalist. I used to think writing would never be comparable to any job, but somehow... teaching came into the picture and now writing is just secondary compared to this job.

when i look back at the decision of deciding to come and start teaching on Feb 7, 2006; it was one of the biggest decisions of my life. this decision has cost me far more than i bargained for.

but its all worth it. in life there are many choices presented before us, and these choices have short or long term implications and effects.

for me, i have chosen to stay.

and just simply because...

i believe God believes in them : )

and my job is to teach them and point them to Him. I do the academic stuff, but really, the real thing is to be able to instruct, raise up and motivate a new generation to step into that realm of promise their Father God has in store for them.

i love my kids too much to take up any other job. my dream is still to be a writer, but an even bigger dream is to see a new generation of Christian soldiers equipped to go into the world and display God's glory on their lives.

that's why i want to say...

you will be who you know you will be.

you are beautiful because God
loves you, you're His princess.

stay happy and optimistic : )

the biggest war to win is the battle within, and
God will help you win it.

remember, as a team, the burden is shared.

real friends go through the good and bad times
TOGETHER : )

remember your Creator, in the days of
your youth

don't forget the younger ones need your
guidance too ; )

do have some fun along the way as
you grow up :D

always allow God to touch your
heart.. let Him heal what is hurt inside

remember that your youth is meant to be full
of joy, success and promise, don't let anyone
tell you otherwise ; )


and that's the essence of what i want to say to my kiddos. it doesn't matter if you've graduated, moved to another country or even changed school. in my heart, you will always be a part of my life.

its been 3 years and 6 months since i stepped into GRC and i have never regretted this choice. in fact, i have never looked back and think that my dreams of writing were put on hold or wasted because of this choice i made in the year 2006.

i just felt i needed to say this, i love you guys

p.s. to you and you, you know you've been more than a kiddo to me though i call you "kiddo". you've been such a close friend by listening to me when i feel alone in facing certain things. you know that no matter what happens, we have that friendship and that bond. i love you lots kiddo : )

Monday 10 August 2009

we'll just jump and see if we can fly :D

Get Up - Superchick

I'm not afraid to fall
it means i climbed up high
to fall is not to fail
you fail when you don't try

not afraid to fall
i might just learn to fly and
i will spread these wings of mine

Chorus
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
We'll just jump and see, even if it's the 20th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

I'm not afraid to fall
and here i told you so
don't want to rock the boat
but i just had to know
just a greener side
or can i touch the sky
but either way i will have tried

Chorus
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
We'll just jump and see, even if it's the 30th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

i'm not afraid to fall
I've fallen many times
they laughed when i fell down
but i have dared to climb
I'm not afraid to fall
i know i'll fall again
but i can win this in the end

Chorus
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
We'll just jump and see, even if it's the 40th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
I might fall back down again

p.s. thanks to Sarah Ti for introducing this song to me a while ago. its totally inspiring and aweshum :D i love you, kiddo

some passing thoughts shared at random...

life is not worth living if i don't live it with all my heart, soul and mind


friends are so important to me at this point of my life

no, i am not looking for a boyfriend at this moment

i think i'm falling in love with You in a whole new way recently

i love Baskin Robbins

i'm still waiting to sing that song at your wedding for you : )

i wish i could have went there and enjoyed myself, but it's okay

i want to start my own magazine, a Christian magazine

i love my kids

i want to teach until i feel tired of teaching, but i'm not tired yet :D

i can cook nice carbonara, believe it or not

yes, it does hurt when it happens

i watched G.I. Joe at 12.10 am at Midvalley just now ; )

my secret fear is not being able to measure up to my own personal standards for myself

KFC is gooooooood *slurp*

i wish i had your life, you have it all and you don't seem to realise that

i <3>

Narnia is a place i visit when i'm sad, because Aslan is there

i try to look for something to keep me inspired everyday because you can't start the day without hope

i like None But Jesus because that's how my status is at the moment

i miss school camp

without God, man cannot; without man, God will not

i want to learn piano properly

i have stage fright

life is short, so don't waste it

i like writing these random one-liners because i realise my mind is bombarded with so many phrases and sentences that tug at my brains ; )