august came and went

the month of August is drawing to an end and somehow, i just want to say thank you to God... to give Him the due honour, glory and highest praise for bringing me through it all somehow : )

#1: Keeping me safe
maybe some of you know (or don't), i got involved in a car accident last week on Monday on the 17th. it was my fault but nevertheless God still didn't let anything happen to me or my passenger in the front.

the scariest part of it wasn't about me getting hurt, but it was about endangering the life of a passenger as a result of my carelessness. my heart stopped when I felt the car go out of control. But thank God, no harm came to both of us physically. I was totally relieved to know that my passenger was all right! *phew*

#2: Angels sent to help
angels on assignment : ) fixing my car was a huge bill and i wasn't able to cough up the cash to handle the payment. one angel came and offered followed by another angel. i am so totally thankful for you guys coming to offer help in time of need.

God-sent : ) that's what you two are. i can't thank you enough.

in your words, "just remember to pay it forward."

and i am. i'm beginning to see how and where and when i can ; )

#3: Growing up and letting go
this has perhaps been an area where it always troubles me alot. i guess none of us really enjoy letting go and going into areas or uncharted courses >_<

i suppose this comes with time and experience... for a period of time in the month of August, God has opened my eyes again to see the error of my ways. My pride, my ignorance and my reluctance. i've heard the story of Jonah twice already and its pricking my conscience like crazy. It's God once again saying,

you've been running away from Me, kiddo

and in my wretchedness, no matter how i explain or reason myself out of it... i know He's never wrong. He didn't make a mistake for calling me a run-away.

I am. I have been. I've been trying to live life in the shadows, not His shadow. that's the problem. I thought i could make it on my own and make a new life. I guess God has His own agenda, as usual.

and i know i just have to say this and get it off my heart and mind:

i really don't know how to say this... but ... im letting it go. not that i mean i don't care and all that, but i'm letting it go mentally and emotionally for awhile. i need to do this because if not, i wonder if i could ever learn to trust, accept and love someone in a deeper sense. i need to learn something out of this because i know God wants that part of my character.

God's been asking me for that part of my heart, that part of me that makes me the person I am... and He's saying that i need to take a break from using that part of my heart on people even if it means that no one will understand me while He is trying to teach me a very important lesson.

You know you're always a very important person, friend, family member, comrade... you are. just that for now, i really need to take a break.