BGR

These past few months boy-girl relationships have been like a main topic of discussion around me - whether its at church, at work (in school) or on MSN. So much so, that its really got me thinking about this topic.

When you've grown up to understand your own strengths and weaknesses. When you realise where you are headed in life e.g. which career path to take. When you realise that getting a boy/girl friend is about accepting the person's weaknesses and not just the good things about that person. When you are ready to settle with just that one person and resist the temptation of looking for someone else. When you are self-sufficient, you can take care of yourself as an individual. When you are ready to commit to a relationship in view of marriage and spending the rest of your life with that person.

Through friendship as you get to know the other person more and more... you will realise the person's weaknesses, not just his/her strengths. It takes more than a year or a few months to know a person in and out, so don't jump into conclusions so fast.

So what's the hurry? Before you can commit to loving a person emotionally and physically, lets focus on being friends first. If as a friend, you can't even command the basic sense of respect, trust and commitment; what is the point of getting a boyfriend or girlfriend? And being a couple isn't about holding hands, hugging and kissing alone. It's about giving a part of yourself to the other and vice versa. It's about choosing the love that person for what he or she cannot be in this life as well.

A lot of people ask me whether I like anyone. I can be honest enough and say that when I was 15, I asked a boy if he'd be my boyfriend. All because I felt an endearing sorta affection for him because he was a boy everyone liked to bully. It felt good to be able to support him. But after 3 days I dumped him because I realised I wasn't able to give him the emotional support and understanding. I hardly knew him well enough.

When I was 19 I had a major crush for a guy who was talented in music. He was sensitive, caring, humorous and he was charming. We'd talk on the phone for hours every other day and we'd share our thoughts on our future and what we wanted out of life. But in the end, he started to like a close friend of mine. And later I found out that he lied alot about his life and was badmouthing me behind my back about how I was always sticking to him. Well, so much for friendship. Haha.

Last year, I realised that I liked someone a lot. He's humourous, sensitive, responsible and godly in conduct and was serious about life. However, I knew that friendship and deep comradeship would be the most we could have. So I extinguished my feelings for that person.

Life is pretty much the same. Sometimes, we don't know why we like that person. Maybe because that guy/girl has something in common with us... maybe because we seem to have a lot to talk about with each other... maybe what we want in our love of our life seems to appear in one particular person.

It can be confusing. But what is more important is that this person is approved by God. Whether or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. A crush, a sense of attraction is not enough to warrant a green light in a boy-girl relationship. Sometimes, friendships get hurt because of that. Sometimes, emotions are so disturbed that some never recover after that.

If we haven't had a full grasp on what we want out of our own lives, what gives us the liberty to affect another's life through a romantic relationship?