do you ever feel?

will my weakness for an hour

make me suffer for a lifetime

is there anyway to be made whole again?

and if i'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness

find a strength i've never had

will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?

is He not strong enough? is He not pure enough?

to break me pour me out and start again

is He not brave enough to take one chance on me?

please can i have one chance to start again?

i forgot about this song for quite a while. this song moves me to tears whenever i hear it because it reminds me just how frail i feel at times on the inside. times when i give into temptation, or times when i just react in stubbornness and defiance and just reject the very plan of grace and peace that has been offered to me.

it is that real. that i have spat in His face at times. there have been moments when i forcedly wrenched my hand from His warm grasp and went on my own way.

those moments make me realise just how important God is.

insignificant? i've felt that much for the better part of this year.

unwanted? i've felt that all my life.

unloved? i've seen the reality of what love is in this world.

but nothing compares to what God offers. in my times of darkness, He has come through and i believe He comes through for every single one of us, even if we feel like we're miles away from Him, even if we wonder how He could possibly love people like us and disregard the wretches that we are.

it's a decision to turn back. i've made that decision tons of times. it's a journey learning to know the One who loves us.

its a path i have chosen. it sometimes hurts to know that not everyone understands that path, not even those closest to you, but its something that i have chosen and i will stay committed to it because the One who loves me walks that path with me every single day of my life.

because He is strong enough.