finally

the working week for the very first time has gone by so slow. what? it's only Tuesday today?

that's how slow it feels for me now.

but perhaps by reducing the speed of things, it has given me a backseat amidst the hustle and bustle. it has given me time to think. it has given me time to pause and survey my surroundings and also to peek deep within myself and ask myself some very real questions about my current circumstances.

i am born an emotional person. things or people come and depending on what or who, they both affect me dramatically.

you should learn to love yourself more and forget about things that bog you down.

this has been going through my mind since Sunday night until now. the questions that were screaming inside of my mind, the doubts and voices of self-rejection were just too much to bear. all of it, was just too much to the point where i woke up this morning with a nauseating migraine that threatened to blur my vision.

honestly, i didn't want to go to work today. but somehow, i managed to make it.

during breakfast i read a book and what caught my attention the most was the word "faith". Faith is something you see played out in friendships, whereby if a person is late for an appointment, you would assume the person was held up by a punctured tyre, or an accident or something unforseen. This is based on your relationship with that particular person and you trust them enough (through the years of interaction) that he/she is not purposely late for the appointment. You assume the best of the person because you trust him/her.

and perhaps faith is the answer to all things. in fact, it is : )

that if indeed i believe that a friendship that can endure hardships and celebrate triumphs, then indeed the current circumstances is just yet another round of tempering and making it stronger. how it turns out, doesn't really matter anymore, because i trust and have faith that all things work out for the good, the greater good. and of course, i have faith in the friendship, because if i didn't, then it would mean that i was never sincere in my part of the bargain already.

does that mean, i've dealt with the matter? the previous post sounds so emo, doesn't it? i've prayed, talked to God about it and after that, my migraine disappeared. to me, it is a sign that i did in a way deal with the issue, because a certain amount of stress did disappear from my mind.

Aa the days have been slowly progressing, i've agonised, cried, wondered and pondered and found peace at last.

yet, i am still sad. but somehow, there is peace amidst the tears. it doesn't seem to make sense, but perhaps faith lies in that valley of sadness at times. life's journey is such that at that busy intersection, you stand with a few people. the light changes colour, and everyone moves on to their destinations. some move with you, some move away from you. it's life. then all of a sudden, we detour from our paths and you find yourself standing with some familiar people again at a red light.

in the midst of my tears, i remembered one thing.

what we have is fellowship, not just friendship.

it's something that's eternal and more valuable than

the usual hi, bye and lets have dinner together.

fellowship means we uphold each other's faith, support each other when needed

and trust one another despite the circumstances.

that's what we have. fellowship.

wouldn't exchange it for anything else : )