smirk

thank you to Fun for listening

thank you to Col for understanding

thank you to Mr. Fan for empathising

thank you Jesus for being so forgiving

if i can't do anything else... i think I can still give thanks. 

there are better things in life that I need to get back to.

there are more issues in this world that need my attention.

there are people whom I love that i should be praying for.

: )

wishful thinking

at this point... 

i'm just wishing for it. i want it so bad.

a hug? a word? a thought? a habit?

i have no idea too. : )

ugh

i've really forgotten what defines me... my clothes, my taste, the friends I have, the books I read, the awards and certificates I've received, my education, my race, my skin colour, my car, the songs I listen to, the food I like, the hobbies I enjoy, the shoes I wear, the brands I love to buy...?

which one?

I just want to be a person whom I can stare into the mirror and feel satisfied about anything and everything that I possess and lack. Did Paul just mean financial things when he said, "I know how to be poor and to prosper"? Or did he mean at the times when emotionally and physically when he felt drained and the times when he felt at his optimum?

I wonder how his ministry days were? like I always imagine, it must be pretty tough to have a death warrant signed under your name and live everyday wondering if anyone was sent to murder you. How does it feel to be called a murderer yourself? Were there ups and downs within the same day?

I bet there were.  Those "not-so-good" but "still-ok-ok-lah" days are always around. Today, it's been exceptionally interesting.

Because officially, I've lost who I am. This time, its not even about burnt bridges, but it's about losing the passion and about losing the direction that I thought I so had a grasp upon. Once again, I find myself at the crossroads wondering if I'll ever start moving instead of standing there deciding and deciding what to do.

it feels like last year's Christmas again. you know, the period of time where I was wandering. 

again... i feel like no one understands. again... i feel like i need to escape certain things.

ugh.

the price to pay

hahah... i never knew losing a temper would lead to so many things...

#1 making the day bad for someone until she could cry over it

#2 screwing up plans for an outing that I didn't know it was so important

#3 realising that I'm not such a good friend after all

Dear God,

Can you fix things please? Because I'm sick and tired of being someone like me... I thought today could end with the thought that I was successful in accomplishing things and getting things sorted out.

But You know...? I think I just made it even worse.

I'm sorry for messing up God. I really am. Now I really don't know what to do.

It's time to leave, before I mess up even more.

Goodbye, people. Nice knowing you.

musings of the week

today is Resurrection Sunday... My saviour won over all odds, even death, to come back from the grave to show to the whole world just how much He loves me and everyone on earth.

that's something I can never fathom and understand 100%... Jesus Christ died for a person like me? he's the most perfect person on earth - the Son of God - and yet, He's rather take all the muck and mire from my life, put it onto Himself so that He could save me out of my situations.

and yet, somehow, Easter has lost its true meaning. It's so much celebrated as a holiday, a fun event [read: egg hunting] and tradition that we sometimes can overlook the fact that it's all about Jesus. So let's take this opportunity to remember that on Friday, someone died for us so that today, we could have all our heart's desire, and above all... a restored relationship with God the Father :)

... on another note... the latest craze in town has left and returned to his homeland :P David Archuleta reminds me of that long ago craze of Westlife when they came to Malaysia and their one and only showcase at Sunway was repeated and repeated and repeated AND repeated nonstop on the local TV channels. There can be such a thing as overkill, you know? *chuckles*

there's of course no harm in having someone you like who's a singer. nothing wrong at all as well to admire that person's looks, talents and background. I can remember the times when i liked people like 911, backstreet boys, N' Sync, Westlife, Savage Garden etc. I remember the adrenaline rush when I heard they were in town too... being moved to tears? not quite though. Ah well, different individuals have different ways to express themselves i suppose. 

having said that though, I do hope that when devotion classes are going on... that we should be focused on the Word of God, not on talking about anything else. of course there's a rule as well in school concerning laptops that during school hours, student's aren't allowed to look at pictures as well. above all else... upon entering a classroom, one should ask for permission to speak to a student from a supervisor : )

here's the question of the day: 

should your passion for your idol cause you to break the rules that are set? (it's not just for when you're in school, but it applies to anything)

sometimes

the interesting about this all is... sometimes, it can go overboard.

really.

it's something that I didn't have a single idea about it. laughs were given at a person's expense. though that person didn't know what was happening... it still somehow struck a chord within that it was at her expense.

just somehow, i wish that person would stop being the one who takes jokes and never gets angry about them. i wish that person would just decide to walk out for once and leave it all. but i bet she doesn't have the guts.

it hurts to know that people can treat her like a dumping ground. haha. i get the joke... she's the joke mah.. right?

sometimes... just sometimes.

*i hate gastrics*

hypocrites

i think we're all surrounded by them. at times, we're guilty of being one ourselves.

i do wonder during this time of economic unrest, not to mention political strife and change; what does the Church have to say to this? 

do we jump into the bandwagon and try to make a quick buck in quick-fix instances? do we resist the change and dig in our heels and "bear the suffering" that was "ordained" by God? how about going to the other side of the spectrum and champion rights and be the voice of opposition and perhaps rebellion to a certain extent?

everything boils down to four words: you have a choice.

when things are going bad spiritually and you see your own spiritual leaders stumble, falter and perhaps display themselves as fools, what is your response today? we usually react with anger due to disappointment. but folks, no one is perfect. one day, we will have to tell God ourselves how we've spent our lives on earth.

i don't expect anyone from my church to understand the things and people that I have invested my heart into at my work place. no one really understands what it means to be a teacher in a homeschooling center until they themselves have started working in that place and experience for themselves how it really is. 

i don't believe either in making a fast income. Amway, MLM or other stuff, at the end of the day is not my cup of tea. the money earned is a circulation of funds and its just something that i have no passion for honestly.

what motivates you today? the Message or the money? its a harsh world out there, fellow christians : ) blessing someone with a business... does it involve tainting it with a desire to make money at the expense of a friendship? whatever happened to believing in job security from God and also financial stability through divine blessings?

am i preaching to you? if you feel so.... fact is, I wasn't preaching to you. I was just airing my thoughts. but if it still does make some sense and strike a chord within you... then go and pray about it. 

im not out to condemn. im just making a decision to stop being a hypocrite and start being brutally honest with myself.

no. 1

today has been a hectic day. 

uncle kevin... I miss you alot :(

but all in all, the school has been in order and plus we had some "special guests" grace us with their appearance for chapel... enough said about them though. If not, my beloved kiddies will think i'm a stalker and gone bonkers over 16 year old boys. puhleeease...

anyways, fyi... ms Catherine ain't looking for someone who is her age or younger at the moment. 

I'm still in the process of finding myself and I know God will have that special someone for me in His timing. If it were left to my kiddies to decide the timing... it would be simply chaotic, swt, funny and indescribable.

So, I think i'll leave things in the BGR department to my Dad up there in Heaven ;)

nuff said, peace out!