musings...

it's been 9 nine days since you know and I prayed and hoped that it would go away or somehow I would get over things...

...but i can't. I just can't.

everytime I think about it, an ache comes. Disappointment and sadness creep in and tears come. sometimes, I wonder if I'm that strong person God said He'd destined me to be.

Because at this time, I feel anything but strong.
At this hour, I feel anything but peaceful.
At this very minute, I feel anything but joy.

I'm still hurt. I still can't find a reason to justify stuff that has happened and how the stuff had happened. It just makes things worse because at this point of time, I'm beginning to start imagining how life would be if I decided not to care of anything.

I haven't been caring for 9 days, will it continue more than that?

I don't know. I don't really care to find out as well.

There's no use trying to be all nice and warm all of a sudden when I know it usually isn't as nice as that. It just rubs it in all the more and reminds me that things are screwed up at the moment.

I don't think 31st is a day I'll be very sociable.