Just another Manic Monday

What a crazy two days.

Monday has made me worried more than usual. I started Monday with the intent to make it good, and I even told my colleague that in Jesus name, it will be well.

Happy birthday Jamie. I know yesterday didn't turn out as you wanted it to be. In fact, it sucked big time for you. But despite the circumstances, I still hope you manage to have a bit of happy moments in school. You know how much we love you and how much we value your presence in our classroom. I love the fact that you are straightforward and honest about how you feel about things and people and that's the part that makes you special : ) I know this is a really tough time for you to go through now, but don't give up on yourself yet because there's just so much good things ahead waiting for you. Your parents love you very much, and sometimes, as adults, this is the only way to reach a teenager. But they love you, and I know one day you'll understand.

Tuesday, today, has not been a really good day =/

Again, the same situation that happened on Friday occurred today. Whether it was an honest mistake or not, point is could you have been a bit more discreet? The part that frustrates me so much is the fact that you know you have a choice, and yet, you chose your desires instead of common sense and wisdom. Yes, I am saying you made some stupid choices. It's a cliche, but yeah.. you should have known better =/

Wednesday is here now, the basketball tournament is on for the boys and Thursday for the girls. What can go wrong right? RIGHT?

Dear God, I don't know how much longer I can take all of this. Running away seems like a much better option right now =/

Water You Turned into Wine

How do you feel when you see a disaster coming and you can do nothing to prevent it?

Scared? Upset? Frustrated? Angry?

Helpless is the word.

I have always prided myself on being able to handle events, issues or circumstances with ease and confidence. I try my utmost best everytime to come across cool, calm and collected. No one knows just how nervous or scared I can get inside.

My greatest fear in life is not being able to do something about it. Meaning, I feel extremely disturbed when there is a situation and I'm not able to do anything about it. Absolutely anything. That irks me to the core and I always have a strong urge to stand up and go rectify the problem.

I'm a problem fixer : )

But what if I can't fix the problem this time? What if I have no means or ways that I've used before to solve this? How can I handle this better?

When all of these questions can't be answered, I start to freak out. Like big time freak out. When I can't find an immediate solution to a situation, my mind can't focus on anything else except to "fix the problem" or "I gotta do something about this". This cripples me in return and I find my energy sapped away because I spend the whole day worrying, wondering and trying to find an answer to the situation.

I've decided, you're on your own.

I've decided, that you have your own life to live and I can't live it for you.

I've decided, that you can say what you want, but it won't change my feelings towards you.

I've decided, you need help, lots of it, but since you don't want it, you're not going to get any.

I've decided, to choose being neutral because it gives me that liberty not to be bound by you.

I've decided, to let go and believe that you can be independent.

I've decided, to live my own life making sure I make the right choices and not wrong ones.

But most importantly, I choose to place my decisions before someone who is so much wiser than me. I choose to live by faith knowing that things will work out all right. I believe that no amount of worrying makes me happier, richer or satisfied; but it is God who makes it all happen on earth, not me at all.

When I make that choice, to choose God above everyone and everything else.. it changes how I choose other things in my life - relationships, jobs, ambitions and etc. Because when I make decisions on those areas, I have Him on my mind.

God has already chosen us. Have you chosen Him above everything else? The banquet is set and the King is calling, have you received the invitation and have yet to respond and come to the table to feast?

Come one, come all.

Eat and feast with the King of your heart, and be attentive to His heart beat.