year end thoughts and resolutions

one of the greatest things in life is to have loved. and not only that, to have loved and not regret making that decision to love.

there have been moments when i wonder if love is really worth my time, effort and heart. there have been days when i wake up and ask myself if i exist not to love, then what is the point of existing to begin with?

love is a risk. no one said love was a bed of roses.

to make it cliche even more... as a well known singer crooned,

"why does love always feel like a battlefield?"

if i don't fight for love, if i don't make a stand to love... then there really isn't any reason to be called human. after all, we're all created with the capacity to love. no one is born without having love in their hearts. we celebrate love in many forms all around the world - weddings, birthdays, engagements, graduations, baby showers, thanksgiving dinners ... etc.

we live for love.

we laugh because of love.

we cry because we love.

we get angry due to love.

we dream of love.

we yearn for love.

so many things in fact, almost everything seems connected to love.

it's taken me almost a year to figure out something. if i don't love something or someone, my heart won't be there.

for where your treasure is, there lies your heart too.

where is your heart today? is it in disappointment? does it sink into despair? or does it hang on the hopes of surviving barely each day? has your heart been caught in the tossing waves of the uncertainties of life?

my heart has been wandering for a long, long time. it really has. the ache it feels at times, makes me shy away from loving. the disappointment that i still taste at times moves me away from loving. the anger that still rages every now and then threatens to silence my heart and freeze it bit by bit as the days progress.

love isn't a drug. but it is a solution to the loneliness i might feel at times. love has helped me more than any book or website or help group i might seek counsel from. love has both inspired and encouraged me to take a deep breath and give myself another chance.

because when i see myself, i begin to see how You see me.

through the eyes of love.

through Your eyes of love.

You loved me despite of me giving up on myself for so long.

and for that my new year's resolutions are such:

#1: To learn to love myself more through You

#2: To learn to love others more through You

#3: To learn to teach others to love more through You