*drip drop*

i think i've talked about it way too much, thought about it oh-so many times, even prayed and asked God about this issue on numerous occasions.

was it because of December that it made me who I am today?

so many times I asked myself if I am slipping away through His fingers.

so many hours have I spent questioning my heart and asking it if it had run away from Him.

so many moments when the tears appeared and I sobbed and wondered if I had disobeyed Him.

have I? did I?

silence seems louder than noise at the moment.

somehow, i feel i've been damaged beyond repair. or maybe i've been damaged in the past and somehow the healing process has made me into another person. Someone who is similar yet different at the same time perhaps.

i did find my answer last week. but somehow, its an answer that only i feel satisfied with. currently it feels like nobody understands and that feeling is absolutely lousy and is getting on my nerves.

i gotta flip a switch and tune in to a different channel : ) then i know i can survive this and not be thrown to the left and right in this passage of time. At the moment, i DO feel like I've walked into another time-zone or time-space where the whole world rushes by and I am standing watching the activity.

i feel like the loneliest person on earth today. for some reason, i just do.

:'(

in the chaos, in confusion

I know

You're sovereign still

in the moment of my weakness

You gave me grace

to do Your will