When I was your age

When I was your age

When I was your age, decisions didn't come any easier than it is for you now

In fact, it was probably as messy, difficult and annoying.

New year resolutions helped to a certain extent

but resolve was what I really needed, not more resolutions to be unmet again

Am I making sense? When I was your age, trying to verbalise myself wasn't easy either.

You either worry whether you're sounding like a weirdo with your principles

or whether people accept you for who you are

and if they don't, you don't care but yet do care when you wished for some understanding

When I was your age, the world didn't really hold much promise.

I had already accumulated enough heartache to stop believing, or having much high hopes

People were starting to be boring, a matter of convenience

all I wanted was an island so I could just be alone.

At your age, social media, social networking became a mask for me to hide

when I was unhappy, my status would either reflect that truth with lots of exaggeration

or mask the truth

tears were shed, but my status was always a " :) "

But when I was your age, it all changed as well

I found that life can be messy and difficult but there's a solution.

I discovered a resolve that I never had before

A kind of resolve that seems to be able to brave any kind of weather in my life

At your age, I learnt to communicate and find courage in voicing out

I found out that it's ok not to be ok

Acceptance was the new rule and rejection was never an option

A fresh breath of freedom!

When I was your age, I realised that denying hope to my heart made it sicker

If I stopped believing in another tomorrow, there would be no today to live in

People began to take on value, as I learnt that I am valuable

I didn't want to be alone anymore

When I was your age, I learnt that the Internet doesn't need to be

a place to hide and assume another alter ego, a fake personality

I made it a point to keepin' it real, by paying it forward

I'm writing to you now, because you're the age I was once upon a time :)

Because when I was your age, Jesus found me and saved me.

And life, well...

Has never really been the same anymore.

I have decided, I have resolved.

Up at Chefoo... which is the mandarin equivalent of "praying for blessings", I think all of us got a hearty dose of blessings upon blessings. Prophecies, deliverance, healing, rededication, revelations... the list just goes on. Not a single person was not touched by His awesome presence.

From the first night, I heard a wind howling amidst our worship. The second night, chains were cracking and breaking under His power. The final night, there was sound of the pitter patter of rain in the hall. There was an evident presence of God so strong that I could just sit there and feel the warmth of God start to burn in my gut without anyone laying hands on me.

I remember sitting on the floor sobbing my guts out, telling God just how much I loved Him and just how much I feel so small in His plan and I wondered how I'd ever fit in. The vision I saw next was His hands, both His hands were outstretched to me, He was clothed in white and He beckoned to me to come, COME, COME! I raced to Him, or rather, I was drawn to Him in an instant and I felt His love consume my very being. As I remember clearly, all He wanted me to do for Him was to experience His love at that moment, to be filled to the brim and overflowing with His pure, sweet and gentle love. I cried not just because of how small I felt, but out of sheer appreciation of just how deep and wide His love was for me. I cried in awe of His love, His exclusive love for me! And amidst that powerful touch of love, He gently impressed upon my heart,

"Without being filled with My love, nothing can be done."

True indeed. The world doesn't need another bunch of holy-molies telling people how wrong they are, or how much they've sinned. We need a band of people, a motley crew, that will go around telling and singing of the love of God. We need to present the world with a correct standard of who is God and what God is doing in our present times.

Love really is the answer to the world's issues. Receiving the love of God and His forgiveness opens possibilities like never before. We, the Church of God, have to rise to that level of understanding and receive His grace in order to be agents of grace in return among the "living dead" of our modern day society.

If you aren't capable of receiving love, how do you give love in return?

And so I will allow my God to whisper His love songs to me every night before I sleep, I will sing in return my love to Him as much as I can in my daily circumstances. That as I abide in His love, I will learn to lean against the heart of Jesus and know what is in His heart deeper and deeper each day.

And oh, how He loves us so

Oh, how He loves us

How He loves us so

Is July 9th the New Independence Day?

Is July 9th the New Independence Day?

Funny, isn't it? The scenario and ruckuss that has quite alarmingly unfolded before us this past few days seem to ring of a familiar tone. The days when colonists tried to clamp down the patriots who tried to fight for a country dear to them. Imposing laws, catching the voices of dissents, people denied their rights, laws used to the benefits of the governing powers holding the reigns of the country in those present times...

It would have indeed been a moving scene if we were Malaysians once again taking on our colonists and demanding our freedom.

Instead its a chaotic hour for our countrymen where we see two tides meeting.. one decidingly blue and one a bright yellow. Instead I witness insults flung left and right, accusations made audaciously without human wisdom. All sorts of conspiracy theories, witch hunts, lists of would be threats to the country's security magicked up...

At best, it's short of being called a civil war. Looking at the stormy seas in twitter where harsh words are being flung at leaders, calling on leaders to be responsible and "man enough" to face the issues at hand. Not only that, I came across by accident someone who was obviously Malay who sent racist tweets to various people of other races telling to return "to their homeland" and that the Chinese and Indians should remember "to be grateful".

Did we not escape the clutches of colonialism to reach this stage? Did our forefathers not fight to see a new nation born to determine its destiny? Or would you rather resort and return to hushing voices that demand a change only because it seems to threaten your political stand? Why is a nation that wanted its Rakyat to be well educated, opinionated and rational now reduced to crass, dictatorial and illogical happenings in the very same capital where our Prime Minister made the first loud shouts of "Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!"

Truly, real intentions will be revealed when put to the test. I welcome fairer and MORE fairer elections every year. Is this not something the SPR should work on? It does owe the nation that bit of responsibility since being a body monitoring the election process. Would it not be looked upon as quality control?

When blue and yellow collide, are we the rakyat focusing on which team will win? Please, it's not a football match. I am quite bold to say at these last few weeks, days and hours, perhaps many have joined to be "clean" due to the hype of the event and just recent awakening to the "horrors" of the state of matters in our nation.

To be fair, before missiles of any form and size come hurling through airspace at me.... I truly respect and honour any person/party/organization/group that claims to champion the rights of Malaysians. If you have just awakened to the fact that you are Malaysian, there is hope for us still in years to come.

What is more dangerous to the growth of this beloved nation is apathy - in our words the tidak apa attitude. That is a poison that is subtle and gently runs deep. Ignorance helps breed apathy and so does bitterness and anger. You just couldn't be bothered anymore because what would it matter at the end of the day?

Call me an idealist but to truly see reform, it takes everyone.

It's not just the shirts of yellow that are ready to storm a stadium. It's not just the blues that are out to enforce law and order by any means possible.

It's about you and me.

When you are working at your office and you see someone of a different race pass you by, do you feel that "they should go back to where they belong"?

When you were recently robbed by an Indian in the dark of night, do you instantly label ALL Indians as thieves and sneaks?

When you see the recent happenings, is there a part of you that reacts against the Malays just because they are the majority race in the nation?

If there is, we have a lot of work to do. I too am working on myself in this area. Nobody's perfect, but if we keep on focusing on our differences and choose to reject them in another human being, a fellow countryman, what difference will it ever make?

Before you can remove the splinter in your brother's eye, remove the plank that is in yours, says Jesus. Notice that a plank and a splinter are made from wood, the same material, therefore when I see a brother fall in an area, most likely I have that weakness hence being able to identify with it in the first place.

A quote from a video about Malaysia that I love says,

because even though our clothes are the most colourful in the world
our children are colour blind
because if we try
we could be our best when times are at their worst

I wish for peace and calm to pervade our nation.

I pray for sound minds for July 9th.

I hope for a wave of change that will be for the better of Malaysia.

I believe that with God, the history of our nation will be shaped differently.

I want my future children to read about us in this time of history and be proud of us.

Saya Anak Malaysia.

Bless my homeland forever.

Thewombat wrote on my multiply site in 2005 these words:

"I, too believe that there is a place for us all in this land. And I love how you can still be optimistic in the midst of all the depressing events that take place around us.

Let's encourage one another on this long walk to the sea."

I want to ask her again, shall we take this long walk to the sea believing that there is a place for us all in this land we call Malaysia :)