A definition of trust worth defining again

What does trust mean to you? Trust can be defined as a reliance on the integrity, ability and reliability of a person or an institution. However, a dictionary definition could perhaps not be taken so seriously for this round. Trust, is so subjective because situations differ.

Most of the time, people use the word "trust" and ask the same question,

"Should I trust again?"

The more pertinent question or rather the more important question would be WHY do we trust?

We trust because we derive love from a relationship built from the trust that we have dispensed whether to family, friends or even our bosses at work. Hence, when that trust is violated, thrown away or damaged...

It would be a fair assumption to say at one point or another we've all lost our trust in someone or something. It would yet be another fair assumption to say that once trust has been betrayed, it's something that has drastic effects in the negative sense where disappointment, anger, denial and confusion may set in.

When I think of trust issues, I recall my 2008. I recall now with some amusement that in Dec 2008 and Dec 2010 my trust was tested. I remember just how hurt I felt in the year 2008 where I felt rejected, betrayed and judged based on something that was beyond my control.

Dec 16th, 2008:
"I would rather be emo now. I would rather be confused and angry now. I would rather be all of this and be called immature than to actually talk about it because it somehow makes the wound even deeper and pushes reconciliation and reason even further out of the window.

I would rather leave. I would rather be forever branded as the person "who didn't understand". I would rather run away, leave things as they are and never look back. I would rather be all of that than to live a lie. I would rather be called with names and given labels than to open my mouth and give an excuse that I know my heart doesn't believe in."

Somehow, I understand the depth of that pain. The moments where it would feel much, much better to just walk away rather than get into the muddy stickiness of facing the ugly matters of truth. It's just not worth it when you even begin to think about it, because the heart aches and it feels already stretched beyond its limit. Burning bridges is easier than trying to fix the bridges that are torn and tattered with disappointment and pain.

However... you know what? Two years from 2008, I give thanks that I can use the word however.

The months that went into two years of rediscovering the true definition of trust have really taught me and retaught me that trust is something that is reciprocal. In these two years I realised trust has and will always be risky.

It's either you take the risk to trust, or you just plain don't.
A choice we all face ultimately.

Let me justify and say for myself personally that I am fully sympathetic to anyone who has felt cheated, abandoned and mistreated because they placed their trust and they saw that 100% trust abused. Who wouldn't?

Again, the challenge comes when amends are being made and we struggle to answer the question,

Should we trust again?

I can only offer to answer that question with another question..

Why do we trust then?

If your reason of trusting is to receive love and care, if your reason to trust is to derive security, if your reason to trust is to find a place where you will have no reason to doubt...

Then don't trust.

Because trust does everything to risk it all. Real trust has to involve doubt and risk. It puts all that you believe in onto the scale to risk balancing the equation. Trust can only exist with faith which also plays with doubt. To pursue 100% trust in anyone besides God is a total myth and that is why for relationships, faith also plays a part.

But the one thing that fuels faith is love. Because of love, it gives me strength again to apply my trust. Because of love it opens my heart again to believe that things can get better. Only through love I understand why I can trust and by answering the why I in turn answer the question of should I trust again.

The more I told myself to stop trusting, the more I felt empty. Though I found other people to fulfill the places of those I had set aside... the question wasn't to find new trust.. the issue was to ask why I trusted in the first place.

And somehow as 2009 and 2010 rolled in, bit by bit... why I trust began to dawn upon me. It was because loving and being loved answered that question. Was it something that just magically transformed me, I'm sorry to tell you it is a no.

It was a long process. But I will admit that it was only long because I decided to dwell on the pain and kept telling myself I will never trust again. Had I decided to deal with the actual issue, perhaps I would have come out of the dark clouds much faster. But it has indeed been a learning process.

What I'm trying to say clearer is in the process from 2008 to 2010, I learnt to trust despite the nagging doubts in my heart messing with me non-stop. That though I was afraid I took the leap, most of the times I took the leap even though my emotions were screaming at me a resounding NO.

I understand you need time. This is my way of telling you just as during those two years those who hurt me never gave up loving me and believing in me; I will say the same that as a family, no one abandons anyone. That no matter what happens, there will always be a place for you when you return. That the love that you've experienced in the past will never and has never changed.

The hurt is great, but love can be greater than that hurt. That no matter what, we'll always be there. Family is family. That is possibly the reason why it hurt so much for me last time, because I cared that much. And the only way to undo it is to look to God for love. I walked out of the shadow of bitterness, not because I am stronger than the average human being. It is really just because He is strong enough.

There is no relationship that has zero disappointments and hurts. Glass becomes stronger when tempered with repeated knocks, but the hard knocks are administered in such a way not to crack the glass though we feel it might. The hard knocks make the glass become stronger.

I have learnt to see that the circumstances that happened to me have served to make my friendships even stronger and more valuable. Because now I know who are those who really have gone through thick and thin with me; I have come to treasure those who have never left and never given up on me; I have arrived to the conclusion that real friendship endures hardship.

Real love hopes all, believes all. It never tires. If I claim I love, I have to take that risk and trust everyday. Thank God that Jesus is there to help us in learning what it means to take that risk, the same risk that He took on the Cross at the expense of His own death.

And I am taking that risk of risking the friendship I have with you to say this to you... to come back. Home is where the heart is. Lets pick up the pieces and learn to walk again.

生活是如此的美丽

从今天起，我会鼓起勇气面对一个新的生活方式。
我不会再靠着依赖和理想式的盼望来生活，我已经活够了如此的日子。
但是我还需感谢你，因为你在我生活里的存在使我了解自己需要一个怎样的将来，也同时让我了解感情的轻重。

也许我偶尔会想念一些我曾经以为是属于我的情景。
我仍然觉得那一些片面没有消失，只是看待它们的方法已经改变了。
我不可以再幼稚下去，也不能够意味着根本不可能实现的梦幻世界。
毕竟我们是成年人。

我会学会坚强，会学会为自己而活。
我一定会祝福，也一定会感恩。
毕竟，我真的有快乐过，而且也在这一段时期成长了。
嗯，感谢你。
再见了。
我将会与新的生活方式交友。
我会将以往的事情当作参考来使我的将来能够活得更加多姿多彩。

我要迈向我的未来，我不想再为不能改变的事实而停步。
让我们一起迈向上帝为我们各自安排好的美好将来！
谢谢你，因为你，生活变得美丽。
请你继续另您的四周如此的动人美丽。

The End Times

A blink of an eye and 2011 is almost seeing the closing of it's first quarter of the year. Wow, where did all those minutes and hours go?

In a space of less than three months - civil wars, tsunamis and earthquakes.
Sometimes, it makes you wonder just how fragile life can be, just how the unexpected can take us by surprise and leave us as humans with all our fine technology feeling desperate and minute.

I may not be a citizen of Japan, but I believe hearts all over the world have been moved by the devastation and desolation that have struck this nation. Under normal circumstances, disaster struck areas see looting and people running amok, but Japan surprisingly has not fallen to this state.

Instead I see the young and the old, the ones in power and the ones governed; all working together to make life more bearable for each other. Despite the obvious lack of food and water, citizens are giving way to each other and lending a helping hand to one another.

Is the world ending? This question has been asked throughout the ages, but never has it been more significant than these times. Will the world end? How will it end? Will we all perish.

Eternity has been planted into our hearts for the longest time. If at this moment, there is that sense of longing, desperation and that sudden violent questioning to what is the purpose of life.... let me tell you it is not an accidental emotion. You aren't being influenced by anything.

Deep cries out to deep. God has placed a piece of eternity in our hearts and that part calls out even louder of late for us because we realise that the earth is spinning out of control, and if life was all about what was going on around us, life really does feel futile.

But there is Jesus and He alone stands the test of time. He was the payment for what we couldn't do and because He died and rose again, we can cheer and rejoice because the cheque has been cleared and payment has been made for the world's sins.

God loves you. His kingdom has come to embrace you and accept you.
Will you make that choice today?

Is He Not Strong Enough?

WWJD - What Would Jesus Do

That was the theme of last year's drama at GRC.

Having written the script, let me state my intentions more clearer - we were meant to live a WWJD life.

It doesn't matter if you were Henry Maxwell, the big town Pastor;

or if you were Jasper Chase, the famous writer and lover;

it's not about whether you're the owner of a prominent newspaper like Edward Norman;

or a secretary, prostitute, talented singer, church member, passerby, servant, grandmother, daughter, etc.

At the end of the day, when we call ourselves Christian, then we are followers of Christ. Wefollow what Christ would do. It doesn't get anymore complicated. And who did Christ follow? He followed His father in heaven. He said before in the Bible that the Son would only do what He saw the Father do.

In other words, even Jesus didn't have His own agenda.

In a way, you could put it simply that it wasn't about Jesus.

Oh my, you may gasp! What do you mean it's not about Jesus?!!!

Well, Jesus didn't do anything except to pursue the Father's will, correct? So in essence, it wasn't about Jesus, He didn't do it because of His importance or self preservation, Jesus did theFather's will. It was essentially not about Jesus then.

So in a nutshell, if Jesus didn't do it for Himself, who are we to do things for our own wills, purposes and gains? Do we even have that right since Jesus bought our lives back from death through His very own death?

We don't.

WWJD? He would do the will of the Father. So we do the will of the King of Kings, Lord of Lords too, just like Jesus.

Take note that in whatever decision you make, or thing you say, remember that its a WWJD moment. Especially when things are going rough for some of you - confusion, disappointment, anger - can cloud judgement and reason.

Some things are going real crazy right now, but as long as you are placing yourself in the center of God's will and doing the will of the Father while you are on this planet earth (which by the way, is spinning outta control as well), you're safe from harm. Trivial things should not deter you from focusing on His will on earth, don't ever forget that. Make a decision, say a word, do an action, believe in a principle, that you know is focusing on the will of your Father in heaven.

On a more personal note, I'm probably as heart sick as some of you who left or are stuck at one place. I know that feeling of not being able to do anything about it, leaving seems like a coward's move at times and staying doesn't make it any nobler. It's not the action that matters actually, its all about your heart in the situation. If you "have the peace" in leaving/staying, it doesn't matter what happens around you. Don't get affected by it. Make a choice that you know is based on intentions that are not selfish or spiteful.

For the remnant, remember, staying isn't a punishment. There is always a reason for everything. Remember to pray to God and ask Him for comfort and peace in your hearts. It is again aWWJD situation. WWJDs isn't always about making a choice and moving forward, sometimes, it's about staying put and doing the will of God in that particular situation. Other situations might even require you to let go, because of you dont' let go, you can't let God.

As it gets darker, shouldn't we as Christians shine His light and glory into the darkness? That's when you will begin to see His power and glory. Don't you want to see that anymore? Or are you satisfied by "trying to be good" in school and just "getting by". If that's your version of Christianity, I think you need to read a different Bible. The Christian faith transforms, it doesn't conform.

Wherever you go, whatever your choice...

Make God smile. Make Him proud of you :)