come and find me

原来到最后，我并没有那么的坚强。

原来一直以来，我并没有克服应该克服的东西。

一个小小的消息足以让我感觉如此的伤心，如此的无奈。

为什么老是这样子的呢？

为什么生活总是不让我拥有一些基本的需求？

难道一个如此渺小和理所当然的需求也算是一个太奢侈的东西吗？

我不明白，我尝试了许久，我仍然不明白。

我也开始有一点不想去明白了。

我真的有一点累了。

我已经很努力的去闯一个属于我应该享有的天下。

我学习放开心情，尝试换个角度来观看周围，也告诉了自己你是我的力量。

也许我是太怀念我的小孩子。

在他们当中的欢笑里，我才找到我自己。

每当想起学校里的一点一滴，我不禁会自己微笑。

我是不是太爱他们了？我真的好想念他们哦！

看着他们逐渐的站起来，勇敢的面对挑战，

我有一点骄傲因为他们的坚强我也曾有参与去建造。

我也突然了解了一点，我这一位老师也该放手了。

他们不再需要我的唠叨，不再需要我去担心了。

他们不需要我了。

我也该醒醒吧。

是时候为自己的前途，未来的两三年打拼一番了。

但当我观看周围，我的无奈，孤独，失望和烦闷也一一呈现在眼前。

上帝，我可以不去看吗？

我可以不要在过这些假扮坚强的画面吗？

有时候，话中坚强不是说给别人听，而是一个自我安慰的方式。

天天好天，戏如人生，人生如戏。

不管是热天还是下雨天，天天都是好天。

这是你给我的承诺。

我也只能等待你实现你的诺言。

但是你可以快一些吗？我的心疼得很 :'(

do you know why i miss them so?

i miss them alot.

have i told you just how much i miss them?

their smiles. their laughs.

their cute little ways of pretending to do work.

the way they greet me.

the annoying yet endearing way of teasing me.

i miss them alot.

because they've left alot of footprints on my heart.

the sharpies for my birthday.

making gigantic cards to thank me.

baking a brownie cake for me.

how a pat on the shoulder would come when I'm down.

getting a glass of water when I have my migraine attacks.

helping me to do the dreaded filing.

leaving an apple on my table for me.

i miss them so much.

they really mean so much to me.

because at times, just looking at them achieve in life makes me stronger.

seeing them overcome obstacles reminds me to stay focused for their sake.

knowing that they are more than just kids tells me I still have job to do.

remembering how they were once blur-case kids who are now responsible teens inspires me.

believing that they can do it tells me that that is all that matters sometimes.

my dear kiddies,

i'm so proud of all of you. you are doing so great. i miss you very much. nowadays, eventhough i'm no longer part of your life directly, you still greet me online or when i'm at school picking up students for tuition.

i miss being able to go for chapel together. i miss showing videos and sharing during devotion. i miss bargaining for rounds for P.E. i miss directing the drama and dances. i miss leading worship during chapel. i miss lining up for lunch and complaining about the food. i miss lecturing Room 1 about not wasting the hand soap. i miss SO MANY THINGS!!!

but most of all.

I just miss each and every one of you.

I will forever miss you. I am moving on, but the footprints that you have left in my heart remain.

i love you all.

hey soul sister

Watching Cinderella Story in the middle of the night, HMMmmmmHHMMMHHM....

I think it's been ages since I wrote to you in particular. Idealistic as it sounds and you probably know me well enough; in actual fact, I do believe in happy endings. Not the kind where you live happily ever after, but rather the kind that works out in the end because you've been faithful, because you've been persistent, because you've never given up, and of course because you've given your whole heart into it for 100%

that's my form of idealism.

I will accept you for who you are and what you've set out to become :) sometimes it gets kind of bittersweet to see you move on with life and enjoy your time with a circle out there that I have no access or right to question. at times, it's on the tip of my tongue and I feel like coming clean and saying what I've been wanting to say for so long...

but I stop short there.

if i can't have the part I want, I'm not ready to lose whatever that I currently have either. i'm not ready to be selfish and prod out things that might make us lose our friendship with each other.

so why does my heart feel the occasional ache?

i promise, I'll grow out of it. I promise that i won't hold you back and I'll hear you out provided that there is two way communication. i promise to always be there because that's what our friendship demands of me.

we're on the same road, but clearly our eventual path will lead to parting ways. and when we do, I will tell you what I've been storing within me. somehow, talking about it now, makes it awkward and that isn't what I want to accomplish.

one day :) don't worry, it's a promise that I made to myself as well.

Just because :)

In no particular order, some of the many instances where I give thanks for :)

our proof is scarred, on hands that bled;

that we were worth every nail

i do so miss my housemate because she brings me joy

this is so cute!!!

i miss Cuppacakes :) can I have some please because

Valentine's is near?