i miss you... dear Belinda Hu

Friday was an interesting day... Party Day cum Teacher's Day (luckily no pranking from the students)... the best was getting to handle firsthand the new Fender semi-acoustic... its black, its sexy and i shall let Sapphira be married to it :P Taking Di Fan out for bowling is also equally fun :D the best was his questions really :P

Di Fan: Miss Catherine... do you have any children?

Cath: Erm... not yet :P you see my fingers...no ring right? means I'm not married yet, so I can't have children :D

Di Fan: Why must get married then only then can have children?

Cath: *sweatdrop* (is it birds and bees time... NO!!!) um well, if you don't get married then your kids won't have a mummy or a daddy, you get one parent only... so must get married then the baby has both parents. Better that way right?

Di Fan: yah....

Cath: phew!

After sending the little fella home to Kepong, we picked up the boys - Vigh, Tim and Jiarong - from KJ and headed for The Curve to watch Night At The Museum 2...totally cool show, especially those 3 Cupids..they rock! Then we drove to 1U and ate dinner there. After dinner we proceeded to make our way straight to KLIA to send Belinda off *Sob sob*

As usual tradition, we made a fool of ourselves there. We sang at least 3 times of Auld Lang Syne in mandarin to Belinda... took tons of pictures as many brought their cameras - two DSLRs and 2 digicams. We even made Belinda a book where we signed and slipped in a few pages of devotionals for her to read and write as well. Connie bought a Bible for Belinda, Meng Hao got her a I <3>

Belinda, if you're reading this... you should know that we only left KLIA around 3 smthing in the morning because us smart people, we lost our way to the car park. Instead of going to A and B block, we were at C and D block and wondering why we couldn't put in our parking tokens. While making our way to the lifts of A and B block... our friends Suzan, Connie and ND decided to race through the parking lots and the rest we were laughing and laughing like a bunch of drunkards. 

The best was when we were in the lifts... we sent ND and Connie out to check if its the correct floor, and we closed the lift doors on them :P then the lift went DOWN by itself! by the time we reached their floor, they were G-O-N-E... so we went to the basement to our cars... the two monkeys jumped out from behind Suzan's car...delighted to see us again

sweat right? but you know Belinda... its not the same without you. You'll always have a special part in my heart whenever we go out... I miss the times before I got my car... i would sit in front with you and we would laugh and joke like mad in the Avanza... when all of us sang the Happy Tree Friends theme :P pretending to be animals in the zoo... I guess from now, because of the time difference, you're not going to be able to shoo me to bed anymore HAHAHAHAHA

but I'm happy you're going to UK. It's going to be a great time there I'm sure. Please take care of yourself and enjoy your time there to the maximum. I'm looking forward to see your UK pics and see how much Liverpool has changed as well. Don't forget to keep in touch and please please please paste your UK mobile number on Facebook or your MSN please!

muacks belinda... i miss you!

what iv been really feeling inside for the past few years

sometimes... i get the attacks of loneliness. i feel like as if i'll never find someone who truly belongs to me and me to belong to him.

sometimes... it's just so hard to even begin to imagine it because i stare into the mirror and i see "me" and all that is "me". who would ever look beyond what they see. the reality hits me and somehow a part of me dies slowly day by day whenever i think of myself.

just today, a child asked, "why are you so fat?"

haha... i don't actually mind. He doesn't understand that the "stomach" that he called "fat" was actually another body part. but then, the questions always ring in my head when someone calls that into attention. i didn't choose for me to look like me, but somehow... along the way, i am who i am today.

honestly, these things go on in my mind almost everyday. as i get older, as more friends get married and I see that wedding ring on their left hands.. it gets me thinking alot. i used to cry alot and feel sidelined by God when it came to this area. sometimes, I still do. whenever friends argue over relationship issues and the guy/girl get mad with the other party, i feel sad inside because i wish i had someone in my life as they do.

i just want to say... to have someone in your life is a blessing. don't be someone like me who is still waiting for that someone to come. Haha... i think there have been moments when I thought that person was the one and it turned out they were interested in the friend next to me... those were devastating. but i'm cool with things now : )

if you have someone in your life... please cherish them. if they are your husband / wife OR boyfriend/girlfriend... please cherish each other. i envy all of you who have someone to cherish and i would do anything i could to maintain that relationship and keep it good and well.

no, i am not being "emo" about being lonely. Somehow, there's a part of me that says that "it is well with my soul" because i know that GOd is still in control over these issues in my life. I have learnt to practice more peace in this and see the big picture. 

sometimes... its not really about you being ready or not... its also about God deciding the perfect timing for us and this applies to all the areas in our lives not just relationships. But a relationship is very important because its a lifetime decision. you don't say you love a person unless you mean it right?

at this point, though im 27 and supposed to be "of age"... to me, its just a definition determined by our society. who says i need to be married before 30? I'd love to get married next year but is it God's divine timing for me and my future spouse? I have no idea. there could be many people who are around me now that could be "the one" but God never prompted their hearts or my heart, so is it the right timing to even start anything?

point is... i would rather wait on God for the best choice He could give me. That person hasn't come yet. Though at times, the waiting gets painful when I see one by one of my friends hook up, get married and have children. But I know, God is still preparing me... He is still holding my hand and guiding me in various areas in my life that I know I need to clear before He takes my hand and joins with another hand that has been held by God as well all this while.

that is the perfect union I desire... three hands... his and mine and God holding ours... our ideal team is God + him + me!

i don't even know why i'm blogging this minutes before I go off for second service at church... but I feel this is also a moment for me to release the burdens that I have held inside concerning issues.. and its also one of the moments when God is guiding my writing.

those who know me probably hear me confess so much of my deep feelings concerning relationship for the very first time through this blog. It's not easy I can tell you, i'm holding back a sob as I write and the tears are rolling inside my eyes.

but I will not cry because I know the emotions will come and go. the reality is that God remains faithful to me and that He is preparing a future for me.. what my future is I do not know but I praise Jesus...

.... because He holds my hand : ) i love You so much Jesus. this is a song that has touched my heart... 

I Just Want You - Planet Shakers (Acoustic album)

More than a nice melody,

More than the sweetest of words

This is love i have found,

and with this love i am found.

I just want you Jesus, i just want You my Lord,

I just want you Jesus, i just want You.

Never could i comprehend,

The love You so freely give,

Never could i be with You,

But Your love covers all of my sin.

I just want you Jesus, i just want You my Lord,

I just want you Jesus, i just want You.

There is no greater love than Your's,

Nothing else could ever compare

And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like Yours, God

There is no greater love than Your's,

Nothing else could ever compare

And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like Yours

I just want you Jesus, i just want You my Lord,

I just want you Jesus, i just want You, Jesus

my Day

Today teachers around Malaysia are celebrated around the country because it's Teacher's Day. 

It's a day where I've chosen to celebrate the teachers that have come my way. I'm sad I don't have their photos to upload but I just want to take this opportunity to thank them one by one.

Teacher Low (Luo Lao Shi):

My primary school teacher who followed us kids from Standard One right up until Standard Six. I always remember her playing the piano for our music class and being very fierce when she scolded us for misbehaving. We always made her cry because we're the best class in school but we were the naughtiest. She would vow never to cane us again because we've learnt our lessons, but next year she'd a more "painful" cane for us :P

Nevertheless, because of her, I've learnt a lesson about not crying so easily. She always told us, "if you did something wrong, admit it and move on. Don't cry. If you cry, make sure its because someone is mistreating you, then you have every right to cry." 

I've never forget the graduation book she made for us. She compiled our pictures, wrote words of encouragement for each of us and photostated for the whole class and ordered wooden plaques with the words "Fen Dou" (perseverance) on them to give to us. 

She really inspired me to be excellent in my studies : ) 

Puan Raihah

She was my Art and English teacher when I was in secondary school and she totally opened up the creative side of me. She motivated me and a few friends into getting involved with art work in school. We'd do dozens of banners and paint the school walls. 

Not only that, her insistence of good English was awesome : ) we even got involved with the school magazine and editting articles. I remember the year when we thought she wouldn't mind that we didn't do the Teacher's Day project. We got a very big scolding and I learnt from that day onwards.. no matter how insignificant an assignment is, it is worth doing because if you respect and love someone... you would do it no matter what.

Mrs. Ramdas

My MUET teacher in Convent Bukit Nanas. She was ultra cool. Our lessons were full of conversations and she even bought me a book to inspire me after Form Six. I remember that she let us hear the recitation of the Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" by "the world's sexiest man"  - - - Hugh Grant. Muahaha... but seriously, she was full of grace and sophistication.

But of course... my greatest Teacher and Role Model..

Jesus Christ : )

Every day, its a new lesson to learn. Every minute I can't thank You enough for being so patient for my screw ups, so loving even when I chose to be stubborn. The lessons I've learnt so far have been something invaluable in my life.

When I am tired - I have learnt to look to Him

When I lose hope - I have learnt to look to Him

When I am lost - I have learnt to look to Him

Jesus is a teacher too : ) when his disciples were bickering, doubtful and unteachable... He didn't react or punish..but instead gave them His understanding, love and patience. When He was tired, He turned to God first before making any decisions.

That's what I need to learn this year. To look to God for renewal, hope and strength. I've been trying to do things so much on my own that I've been blind to God for awhile. 

Happy Teacher's Day!!! All of these teachers have been instrumental in forming my character and personality. I love you all! And I love You, Jesus, most of all!

get here

You can reach me by railway

You can reach me by trailway

You can reach me on an airplane

You can reach me with your mind

You can reach me by caravan

Cross the desert like an Arab man

I don't care how you get here

Just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us

Always something to get over

If I had the way

Surely you'd be closer

I need you closer

You can reach me by sailboat

Climb a tree and swing rope to rope

Take a sled and slide down slope

Into these arms of mine

You can jump on a speedcote

Cross the border in a blaze of hope

I don't care how you get here

Just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us

Always something to get over

If I had the way

Surely you'd be closer

I need you closer

You can windsurf into my life

Take me up on a carpet ride

You can make it in a big balloon

But you'd better make it soon

You can reach me by caravan

Cross the desert like an Arab man

I don't care how you get here

Just get here if you can

I don't care how you get here

Just get here if you can

would you forgive me, if i said im sorry?

Dear kids,

would you forgive me if i said im sorry?

i wonder if you could sms me or leave a msg to tell me that you saw this blog post. i think iv forgotten to be a friend for a long time. 

5 minutes ago, i cried because i realised i let my kiddos down.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for not listening to you guys.

please forgive me.

love,

ms Catherineeeey

*let out a... *

i want to enjoy myself also...