where am I amidst all of this?

I started the year 2008 hoping for things to be different... and I prayed and asked God to have His way in my life even more for 2008... well, I got what I asked. I won't go into too much details... but I must say... without God, I would not have survived this year by myself.

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There were moments in this year where I disobeyed His voice a lot. I turned away from God's Word and Voice many, many times. Things happened to me, and even if I didn't do it directly, I indirectly did blame God for letting things happen the way they did.

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But now as the year closes soon as the end of November approaches, I realised that God knew what He was doing for the past 11 months. That in His mercy and grace, even my disobedience had been used by God to show that He is still in control and running from Him is a bad decision compared to staying by His side.

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It's not that I don't know it, it's not that I don't practise it... but well, sometimes... we can always treat God like a Coke machine and decide what we want out of Him and refuse to let Him decide for us instead.

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It's been a year of learning to be broken before God. I think i've been strained financially, emotionally and spiritually for a reason. Not that God takes pleasure in seeing me fail time after time... but rather, God allowed things to happen to me for a reason.

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TO KNOW THAT HE IS GOD. HE MEANS BUSINESS.

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I'm a stubborn child. I want results. I demand explanations. So on purpose God has allowed situations to break me. He has allowed delay and He has also remained silent on certain things I continue to petition Him about.

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He isn't deaf, He isn't cruel.

But my God is wiser than I could ever be.

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I've been a run away from God enough already for 2008. I want my 2009 to be a year where I recommit myself. I'm taking steps now even as I speak. There are things I want to do so much again and put my heart in for the year 2009:

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1. Evangelism - God, renew that passion for seeing the lost find You

2. Prayer - God, help me restore the connection point with You

3. Finance - Lord, I want to believe for more to give away next year

4. Relationships - Lord, Your wisdom and comfort in this area as I commit to pray by faith

5. Faith - To believe for greater things, to see a greater manifestation of You in my life

6. Ministry - I want to bless the youth, children and sick. Lord guide me in this.

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At the moment, these are urgent things for 2009. Though simple, I know I've lagged in these areas for the year 2008.

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Jesus, I'm going to decide for a better year ahead. I've had enough of being toyed around by the enemy. It's time to rip out the chains that have been holding me back. I'm charged and ready for a battle like never before!

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My ifs will become an IS starting from today! Let's go, God! Together!