the ups and downs of life

"When is it my turn?"

...I suppose I do sound... But I'm not. I'm just... wondering I guess...

Just for once, it'd be nice to see it happen... just once. Watching Enchanted doesn't really help things either, it just makes me imagine that happy endings do come. No, I'm not doubting God's plan. For those smart-alecs and "but you're supposed to trust God" people.. I'm just letting out my frustrations. And I'm not holding it against God, so don't come with your pitchforks and advice and tell me what I do know. If you were a friend, you'd know better than to come and tell me all the biblical advice, I know it as well as you do.

anyway... God, you see, I'm just wondering...

... if it would happen this year ...

memories

i love my cell group. i refuse to listen to anything else for the rest of this year!!!

we will never know...

we will never know...

- when will be the last time we see someone before they leave forever
- when will be the last time we hug a friend before they fall sick and are too weak to hug us
- when will be the last time we see a smile before the tears fall for a long, long time
- when will be the last time we say "I love you" before we lose that chance to say it again

life can be so fragile at times... a person can just leave you in the next one hour and you could be sitting now reading my blog entry and not know what's going to hit you soon.

my close friend's dad just passed away a few hours ago as I typed this. I don't know the dad personally but I know it hurts to have a loved one pass away. That sense of helplessness and frustration.

yo, bro... I'm here for you. My condolences. I know your dad knows that you loved him. We share your grief too.

someone dear to me as well..

There's someone I've been quietly missing ever since she graduated last year in 2007... She's the one in spectacles by the way (the other i miss alot as well XD)









I remember when I was making a call to Joel from GRC Klang in Mr. Fan's room, she quite smugly hopped onto Mr. Fan's office chair and made herself quite comfy in it ;)

Although sometimes my friend here can be so engrossed in something she doesn't know what might hit her from behind...haha

She can't keep her hands off children =) Her ambition is to be a mother. Which I respect her for it. Guys, she's single but don't think she's the kind of "you-can-play-play-with-me" kinda girl. She's serious about boy-girl relationships!!!

But I really came to cherish her as a comrade of Christ during last year's Youth Rally. Her strength, perseverance and dedication to it has amazed many and inspired even more. Credit is given to her for her excellent leadership skills and organized mind. Many a time, her reminders have helped me organize my work better:)

I know this isn't her best picture. But this is a picture I remember best of her. I know that at that point of her life, God impacted her deeply and ever since then, she has grown and developed an even more intimate relationship with her Father in heaven :)

Blessed 17th birthday, Grace. I'm not the kind of mushy-mushy person to say it in person to you. But I just want to wish you all best in your new journey in life as you prepare for college and beyond. You'll always have a special place in my heart. You've inspired me and given me timely words that I needed at crucial points of my life. Don't ever forget what God showed you during the worship retreat! He will see you through everything. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Love you, kiddo ;) miss your spastic chemistry-grade11-jokes:)

A Day Off...

Finally today is an off day from the hectic schedule, moreover Chinese New Year is approaching. Don't my street the "bak kuah" stalls (grilled chicken/pork slices) are steaming up the air with charcoal and smoke, some early birds are starting their fireworks playing and New Year songs are blasting away from all the shops.

Yesterday night my cell leader asked us to think about what our ministries will be like for the year 2008. Personally, I know what God wants me to put my hands into this year again - youth. But it's something that needs a lot of strength and prayer. Of course, this year, I want to make it a regular thing that I start to visit the hospitals and orphanages that we went to last year during Christmas season.

My cell member Michelle talked about this 7 year old girl from Negeri Sembilan who is staying at the pediatric ward at General Hospital KL. She was in kindergarden last year and one day had high fever. Ever since then, she's been having fits nonstop to the point that doctors have to continually sedate her to stop her from throwing fits. Can you imagine? That's been six months already since last year! By right, this little girl should be in Standard One having the time of her life in school! But yet, she's stuck in the hospital being consistently drugged and under sedation. She's not awake. She doesn't talk. She doesn't play. She's like a comatose body. The mother is by her side every minute of the day at the hospital while the father comes every Sunday to visit due to his work.

How does it feel to see your own child lifeless on the bed? The only time she is "active" is when the medication wears off and she throws fits uncontrollably. This little girl is lying on a bed with straps on her feet to stop her from harming herself during her fits. She can't eat or be fed by the mother because she isn't awake, she can only be fed through IV tubes that go into her body. Her saliva needs to be sucked out by a machine because she is so drugged, she can't swallow instinctively already.

I'm going to start visiting her regularly with cell members and believe that God is going to heal her! I'm going to keep going until I see a miracle happen for this little girl. She deserves a good childhood. She does not deserve to be drugged and sleep forever! Please join me in prayer for her, okay?

What is that?

This is my table...on my table is my handphone pouch, my sweets and Ribena, my favourite drink :)

















But WHAT is that white thingy behind the Ribena bottle? Did I leave some tissue there? Hmm...
















RAINBOW!!! i FouNd YOU XD













Rainbow is sleeping at my table now. She's shifted from my Ribena bottle to underneath my laptop cooling stand... cuz its warm and comfy underneath. So I'm literally typing this blog post above her :P

Isn't she cute?!

someone precious to me

Year 2006: the 14 year old girl

The quiet girl in school who actually wasn't quiet at all. She was chirpy, active and vocal. She impressed me because she was daring enough to voice out her thoughts, and she was willing to try her best to help her friends in her team. Ooooh, she likes green!

Not to mention her reassuring grin and ability to talk late at night and still manage to detect pranksters coming to put toothpaste on her face :P


Year 2007: the 15 year old girl

This was the year where I saw the growth in her. I watched her stand up for what was right and point out the wrongs daringly in her friends. She chose to be true to herself and not give into peer pressure.

She chose to be a big sister and adopt the boys in school as her "brothers". She was always the one who was the most sensitive of others' change in emotions while quietly putting her feelings aside to help others first.

She chose to remind me that I "...shouldn't give up so easily..." when I was near to the point of giving up on teaching.

She's the one who started calling me "Miss Catherineeey" and everyone else followed after that.

Year 2008: the 16 year old young lady

Step aside guys! She's too hot to handle! She's grown up to become someone who knows to choose for a long term investment.

She likes to play the piano (but only songs that she likes to sing), she likes chocolate. She's been helping me a lot in the classroom this year. She has a nice voice.

She's nice to hug and a smile from her makes my day: ) Ooooh... she likes to dance and lurrrrrvesss Bi-Rain! And on February 2nd, we're gonna go watch Switchfoot together! YEAH...

And *sniffle* I'm going to ... her alot! I wrote a short poem for her. I hope she likes it :)

You're someone special and precious to me
because of what treasures I see
Beyond that cheeky smile and grin
therein lies that strength within

The courage to stand up and defy the odds
not to follow the crowd but instead, God
To speak a word of correction if must
she's a friend who stands by you, one you can trust

Although our ways might part one day
but there's a special place in my heart today
That only she may occupy
o claim it to be hers day and night

I wish you well, oh friend of mine
although this poem might not sound so fine
But know that I will always pray
that God will light your path, Sophira, every day!

What's the Haps of Late

Been a hectic week again at work, as usual I'm praying for more help to come as the GRC family gets larger every year. Can't believe I'm starting my third year of teaching at GRC! That's an accomplishment in itself =)

Been wondering what God has in store for me for the year 2008. I belong in that category of people who always love to badger God for answers of the immediate kind. Or I'd always beg God to let me know what I'm going to do for the rest of the year and get all the details. Fortunately, God has more wisdom than me and He chooses to reveal His will step-by-step, one day at a time. I get impatient sometimes but this year I realise I'm more at ease with letting God be God even more this year. I hope 2008 will be a year where I'll lean on Him even more than before!

One of my cell members is under "house arrest" at her hometown. She accidently let her parents know that she accepted Christ when she first came to KL to study at college and now the dad is extremely mad at her. He's kept her at home and now she has to withdraw from studying in KL plus her handphone has been confiscated by her father. He's been sms-ing us to stop bothering her and that she's not a Christian anymore. We all know that it's not true. The many experiences with God that has happened in her life, I doubt she will ever forget it. So what now? I can only fast and pray that the dad will have a change of heart. In the meantime, I miss her horribly. Sometimes, it takes something bad like this to happen to awaken you to the realities of life and the blessings you have around you.

EB, I miss you so much!!!!

On another note, I am already pondering and roughly planned out my first few months of the year. And that is to work hard and save money so that I can myself a set of wheels to drive around town and where I stay. It won't be a new car, but at least I have mobility:)

School has been great so far. We had an awesome worship practice and tried out two new songs for the next month. Somehow, there's something different about the team this year. Maybe it's because we've left it all to God and look to Him for wisdom instead of looking at ourselves. I hope chapel goes on well :)

Photo Tag

Ok... I'm going to do the photo tag that Sophira did :)

1. The most recent photo of myself

At Christmas Nite 2007 with (from left) Zoe, Ray and Jimmy

2. Picture of me making the "peace" sign

3. Picture of me with my friends

Me and church mates at Orphanage during Christmas season.

Can you find me?

4. A picture of me in a random place

At the Pasar Besar Seremban (Seremban wet market)

with Uncle Kevin's youth and Dawn :)

5. A picture of me in black and white

Awards Night 07 poser pic!

6. Picture of me with my hair tied-up...SORRY, I don't have hair long enough to be tied!

7. A picture of me doing a weird face

Two of my sidekicks... Belinda Hu (left) and Connie Lai (right)

8. Picture of me wearing black-coloured T-shirt...

aiseh.. I LOVE black, of courseI have!

9. Picture of me wearing a green shirt. I actually have, but not inside this computer!

10. Picture of me wearing a red shirt, also not in this comp!

11. Picture of me in Halloween costume.. I had one but that was when I was 10 years old and I don't have the photos with me now :p

12. A picture of me with my mouth open

Belinda, me and Connie decided to take another pic and distort the image. Can see my mouth open big-big already right?

13. A picture of me wearing formal attire.

Does being in a graduation gown count as being formal?

14. A picture of me at the beach

Jumping at the waves at Port Dickson. You can't possibly miss me in this picture!

15. A picture of me and my family...refer to Number 13 :) That's my mom!!!!

I tag anyone who has absolutely nothing better to do. It took me an hour to upload all of this and look for pictures!!!!XD

Rainbow in Da house

My house welcomed a new member to join our noisy troupe :) I present to you...

RAINBOW!!!!

I know, it's white, but well if you spin the colours of the rainbow

fast enough they make up white colour right? Rainbow's a Winter-Pearl hamster I think:)

Mind you, SHE's a lady... and Rainbow just loves to pose for the camera. She's so tame that she just sat on my palm and posed for so many pictures and wasn't afraid or jittery at all. Rainbow belongs to my housemate Zoe but we've all come to adore this white furball.

One of the reasons I like her is because Rainbow is so tame and cuddly. This is a picture of Rainbow asleep in my palm. She just decided to snuggle down and take a snooze.

*Sorry, I couldn't flip the picture!*
This Rainbow decided to get warmer and snuggled herself even deeper into my palm.
The result? A white rolled up furball! She's so cute!!!

back to school!!!

It's been a hectic two days in school back in GRC. With 13 new students on the premises, it's been a busy time trying to keep everyone in line. Thank you to Lydia Chang, Naomi, Sophira, Roberts and the other seniors who have been trying to keep things under control for me!

We had our first chapel on Friday and on the worship team's side, I'm grateful to note that God was working among us. How do I know that? Well, for the fact when I turned to two of my musicians to indicate for them to build up their playing, one of them was lost in communion with God, and another was on the floor bent up with prayer. It was a humorous situation but also a happening which greatly encouraged me. The one thing I prayed for when 2008 started was that the team would be touched by God before it could go out and minister and touch others.

What is the heart of worship? I really asked myself before starting 2008. So many things are happening in my life lately and recently I heard something concerning some friends that made me wonder if that is the path that God is leading me on as well for this year. But it's too early to draw a conclusion, I know God will show me in His own timing.

What I intend to focus and work on for the next few months will be my personal walk with God. I think I can go deeper this year even more. And I also desire to see God change those of us who serve on the worship team at GRC. I want us to be a united team in the spiritual and the natural. Like I said that Friday, it's not about bringing fantastic music to the congregation. That's not what we're here for... It's being a faithful follower of the King of Kings. If we don't realise that first for ourselves, lets not even desire from God signs and wonders, healings, miracles and deliverances to happen among the GRCians. It just won't!

If we can start 2008 with the right perspective, the right heart and with the right spirit, there's no telling what God can use us to do! Let's rise up in faith and conquer more things for God's kingdom this year! Let's be a generation that only cares to seek God's face more than anything else!

God has taken my sins and thrown them outside,
So that He could come inside;
To show His love, His power and healing,
That I would no longer be a prisoner, but free...

It's a new start! 2008 here I come!

*points to title of blog post*

Enough said.

I just want to thank God by faith for a great and awesome 2008. I know that if I am willing to come to agreement with Him for the plans He has for me in this year, I will experience His providence and protection. That place where I meet with Him and agree and engage in a faith-transaction, will be my Jehovah-Jireh. The place where God provides.

Lord, I think once again... this year You want me to look to You and You alone for that deep satisfaction and fulfillment and I am more ready to do so. To know You more, to see You clearer and to hear You and speak for You even more confidently!

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I
~ from Joseph - King of Dreams (a Dreamworks Production)