The Girl in the Gym Bag

Dear Girl in the Gym Bag,

I wonder how it felt to have another fellow human being treat you the way he did. When I look at your picture, I wish I could have done something. It aches to read about you in the papers. To think you were staying nearby the area where I am staying now, you were in Section 1 and I stay in Section 2. To think we might have walked the same night market before and brushed shoulders but never knew about each other.

You were crushed, bruised, abused and torn. You were beaten, raped and betrayed by a fellow human being. Someone at your age should not have been subjected to such brutality. I mourn too knowing that for those many nights, when I lay in my bed warm, that you were lost out there probably crying your heart out. Probably your tears had already stopped and your voice gagged out into silence in the face of the horrors that person put you through. Darkness was your companion. I hope that during that time, God sent an angel to comfort you.

Some know you as the Girl in the Gym Bag... but you're not just a body dumped into the bag and left behind there to rot. You possess a soul, a spirit, that is God-given. I know you're in heaven now in God's Arms. And He's given you a perfect body, and right now.... you're running in heaven and smiling and laughing. No pain, no abuse... only a new and perfect life!

Little Nurin, rest in peace. I'm glad God is holding you now.

Reflections...

Honestly, I've been living life as a loner for quite some time. It doesn't mean I've quit socialising or I've withdrawn into being a hermit and live in a cave... but perspective-wise, I've been living on my own away from everybody else. Someone wished me on my birthday that my 2007 would be a great year where I would be blessed. It's approaching the end of September and with 3 months plus more to go... I'm reflecting on my friend's prayer and evaluating how my year has been so far...

First of all, let's talk about work:

Work has been exciting this year. I'm learning so much from my job at GRC that its the one thing I continually give thanks for whenever I think about my job! It's a place where I've learnt to understand youth and children better. How to keep my sanity when time is running out. How to operate faith in the classroom and learn to be an adult more than ever. See, when you step into the classroom you take on so many roles - teacher, friend, counselor, colleague, comrade, elder, pastor, leader - there have been moments where I didn't draw the line properly over my roles in school; there have been times when I ignored some of my roles and I overstepped my boundaries; and I'm sorry for that. But I know the things I have gone through in the job this year will be stepping stones to a better me in 2008!

My special thanks to Mr. Fan and Uncle Kevin. I wished I could call Uncle Kevin Mr. Kevin instead but I just can't. It seems rude to call my friend's dad with a "Mr"! Haha. Anyway, thanks to these two gentlemen, they've given me a lot of guidance on how to be a teacher where I can impact the students and cause a change among them. They are probably the two people at my workplace who have seen me cry the most. They know my personal struggles and have never failed to assure me that I still have God to hold onto when things go bad. Uncle Kevin was one of those precious few who reminded me that I wasn't a mistake but God had me made intentionally for His divine purpose. Mr. Fan was the one who helped me clear my perspective when things got confusing at work. Kudos to both of them!

But of course, the other people who helped me at work were of course my beloved students! They are probably the best teachers in the whole world concerning my job! Through them, I relive my own youth and remember the struggles I faced when I was their age. They compel me to empathise with them, of course sometimes they tempt me into being cheeky and playful as well :p But all in all, they all mean so much to me. Some will be graduating and I'm praying hard that I won't cry because I won't see them so often again... Haha, but anyway, you GRCians mean so much to me! I love you all... Roberts, WYeen, Grace, Sophira, Shabeta, Dawn, Fai, Tommy, Bryant, Roanne, Chanelle, Brenda, Brandon, Paul Lyn, GraceK, Sarah Ti, Lydia, Hazel, Ian, Abigail...(there's too many to list out la!how?)

GRC Youth Rally 07 ~ Expect d' Unexpected

Secondly, Let's talk about church:

My church is awesome! And I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. Because in World Harvest Church, there are so many people who have blessed me with their spiritual input, their fellowship and support. Pastor David has always been working hard nonstop to see us grow in our faith and in our souls. He's one of the few adults I hold in high respect... no one can outwork Pastor David, that's what I reckon! The other pastors like Pastor Sharon, who has been a source of comfort. She's very busy but when I do get a few seconds with her, I can actually manja her and she just has this knack of making you feel ok just by smiling at you. Love you, Pastor Sharon! Of course, not to mention my section members. We're all different, but at least we serve the same living God. There are some other church members whom I am greatly indebted to who have been pillars of support when I was down during this year. Things have been happening and I'm grateful I never lost my perspective thanks to a precious few who reminded me to stand fast upon God and His promises for me. Thank you, WHC!

Front: Connie and Me... Back: Monica and Colleen ;)

Thirdly, friends:

Work has been so busy that besides seeing church friends, I hardly get to see other non-church friends. But there are a few whom I have seen on a regular basis in 2007... Bernice is one of them;) She's only 20 but I must say, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me. About 5 years ago, I sat in Uncle Kevin's van and she was at the back with her twin Eunice. Back then I was probably only 20 or 21 and I remember just thinking at the back of my mind, "Oh, just kids!" Well, she's back in my life and she is NOT just a kid anymore. In fact, she's a lady! Hehehe.... She's the one who helps poor disorganized me get back on track. She's the one who possibly reminds me to behave when I go crazy. Of course, she's the one who listens and understands without judging you. Hahaha... not to mention that she's the one whom God is using as His vessel to display His glory! Its a real blessing to have her in my life, I've learnt so much from her just by hearing her talk sometimes:)

Lord, I offer my life to You...

Next up is Hosanna! Bet you didn't know I was going to write about you, right? Haha... THis lady is probably the one I owe the most concerning my job. She was the one who recommended me to work in GRC anyways. Not to mention that she is a fantastic friend - witty, caring, sensitive, loving, humourous - what more could one ask for in a friend? She's not shy in expressing herself around me which I appreciate greatly, her frankness shows to me that she dares to be who she is with me, which is a complement in itself to our friendship methinks! Her spiritual input as a friend is so valuable, many times, when I sunk into depression, she was there to support me. She never fails to remind me that no matter what happens to me, don't desert the faith, don't desert God. And I won't. Knowing that it isn't worth it to throw my faith away because of circumstances in my life. Having her as a friend, that's one of the reasons I'm not giving up on life yet!

Finally, let's talk about God:

2007 has been an interesting year. I never wanted it to unfold the way it did, but I know God has better plans for me. Like I said in the beginning of this post, my perspective has been more of a loner, separate from others... In my walk with God for this year until today, I can honestly say that it has been good. Good in a sense where I have learnt to say these words with true conviction, "God I only want You, nothing else." Because of the way year 2007 unfolded, I found myself many times in a spot where I didn't know what to do. And I fell back on the reality that everything will change no matter how much I deny it, but the One that loves me... He has never changed. And I give thanks for God's loving kindness and grace upon my life. He's brought me to places where I thought I'd never want to go. He's challenged me to set aside traditions, rules, comfort zones and culture... just to see if I would be willing to obey His will. The many things I've done at work... worship retreat, Broga Camp, the Youth Rally... if you gave me a choice, it would be a big NO. I've never done them before my whole life! But I decided to just follow God, no matter what the consequence. In my quest to know God more, many have scoffed me... many have betrayed me... many have doubted me. But at the end of the day, when I search myself and I put those areas of my life before God, He has never faulted me. But instead, He has always reassured that I am following Him, and He is holding my hand. My perspective has changed alot. I am no longer afraid to do certain things, to take certain actions or say certain things. I am no longer hesitant to follow His instructions eventhough I am alone in doing it. God's made me tougher for a reason, and I know it already, its in preparation for the year 2008. I'm having mixed feelings about it now... sort of the "yay!" and "more ah? aiyo..." Hahaha... but whatever it is, God...at Your word, let is be so for me!

So I'll stand with arms wide and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all....

Jesus, I can't help by say again and again and again... that I love You so much.

So yes, in conclusion, the year 2007 has been great so far. I'm looking forward for 2008 already! God, thank You for Your faithfulness all this while. I pray You will guide me even more in the next year to come. So that I can bring glory to Your name and draw more to Jesus!