I would have stayed up with you all night

Step one, you say we need to talk. He walks, you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk." Though he smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through some sort of window to your right. As he goes left, you stay right. We're between the lines of fear and blame, and you begin to wonder why you came.

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

Let him know that you know best, perhaps because after all you do know best. You try to slip past his defence without granting innocence. You try to lay down a list of what is wrong, and talk about the things you've told him all along. He prays to God that he hears you, you pray too to God that he hears you too [so in the end, who's hearing who?]

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

And now as he begins to raise his voice and you lower yours and grant him one last choice. We'll try driving until you lose the road, or at least until you break with the ones you've followed. They will do just one of two things, perhaps he will admit to everything, or he'll say he's just not the same.

And you'll begin to wonder why you came...

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

dear you, I deleted a whole looooooong paragraph on what I wanted to say to you. because, i think you already know.

Hello 2011 : )

It's just the 4th day of the new year of 2011 and already I'm beginning to see how God is unfolding His plan for me : )

So many things have been happening in 2009 and 2010 and for me personally, those two years have been formative in helping me see the bigger picture. I spent those two years struggling between being bitter with people, feeling uncomfortable when questions weren't met with straight answers and also a period where my trusts and beliefs were challenged. I ha

ve witnessed characters being tested around me and seen the outcome for better and for worse as well.

Am I disappointed? Yes, I am. I am thoroughly bummed and disappointed to see people I deemed respectable, people that I looked up to, people that I had fellowship with, to in the end be reduced to nit-picking, name-calling and condemning individuals. Whatever happened to building God's kingdom together?

Yes, I mean you. I had always thought we'd be able to tough things out, but somehow, you chose to follow a blind person. I'm being blunt. You would rather

choose to follow pleasant circumstances instead of hanging onto the principles that we both said we'd protect and uphold all the days of our lives.

Am I angry? Yes, very much. I am angry because inn

ocent people were subjected to ill treatment. I am upset because people would rather pick a fight then to relax, cool down, and settle it like adults should. It seems to me, you just feel indignant because someone disturbed your sandbox. Moreover, washing another person's dirty laundry makes your hands stink. You know why, because you didn't dirty it in the first place, how would you know what the stains were? So in the course of washing it, you stain your hands with unknown traces of other people's dirt and you feel disgusted.

Bottom line: You weren't meant to wash it out for the

other person in the first place la...

Do I want to talk about it? Yes, I do. Simply because I desire to clear the air about things. Unfortunately some people choose to stand at a distance and discuss matters without allowing the real issues surface. Moreover, some people would rather just pretend that nothing's wrong and live life as if it never affected people. Sweeping it under the carpet is just as bad mind you.

I bet you think I'm talking about you. If you think I am, work up the guts to ask me direct, and ask me if am I referring to you. If you dare not, have the decency not to tell another person, "I think she's talking about us you know."

Assumption is the greater sin after all : )

Hello 2011, I know you will be wonderful. Because 2010 tested my common sense, my perception of people and circumstances and has somehow made me grow a little more wiser in my approach towards life. Here are some lessons from the past year that will remind me to look at 2011 with hope and faith in God:

I have learnt that trust is something that is mutual. You can only trust me when I'm with you after I give you trust first and vice versa.

I realise that real friends stick up for each other, not run away when circumstances crop up. Thanks to circumstances, I finally realised who were my real friends.

I saw with my own eyes and experienced God vindicating me. When people accuse you of things, just wait on the Lord, and He will send evidence right to your doorstep and He will be your defence and strong shield.

I learnt that the moment I removed the bitterness from my heart, I could forgive better, I could respect better and I could hope better. Our enemy indeed isn't the devil, it's

ourselves. When we hold bitterness within, we are truthfully just fighting a civil war with ourselves. How fun is that =="

I resolve to be real about my circumstances. I resolve to be slow to anger, quick to listen. I resolve that no matter what, my spiritual family is a group of people that I will be willing to protect and love no matter what. I resolve to love much, complain lesser and appreciate more.

But most of all, I resolve to pursue You like never before.

Because You deserve all the glory and all the praise.

For You have been faithful and patient with someone like me.

Just because You love me despite my shortcomings and never hold my past against me.

p.s. may your 2011 be blessed greatly by His love and grace for your life!