resolution + revolution

here's my 2009. I know January is ending already, but it's worth the wait for a month to decide and think things out for what I want to accomplish for the year 2009. As I browsed through my Jan 2008 posts, I realise the things that I hoped for did come true but came true in varying degrees and manners.

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two words. I've been hearing for quite a while. that will define my 2009.

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resolution = a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something

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revolution = a sudden, complete or marked change in something

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I'm setting a resolution to create a revolution in my life (of course with God's help)

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I really don't know what's in store for me in 2009. But all I can say is, I'm letting go what has happened in 2008. Though sometimes memories come back to tempt me to be emo but I'm learning to be stronger.

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I intend to let God be God and let Him take the wheel and drive me through an eventful, blessed and fruitful 2009. Amidst affliction I will have fruitfulness if I rely on Him.

let go, and let God

I like this quote, "...let go and let God".

Let go of frustration, and let God bring peace
Let go of worry, and let God bring assurance
Let go of anger, and let God bring joy
Let go of lies, and let God bring His truth
Let go of disappointment, and let God bring hope
Let go of confusion, and let God bring order

Work went by with a whirlwind for the past 5 days. It's so good to be able to see all my kiddies again and hear them say good morning to me, to smile at me and to tell me their lame jokes. I've missed you people so much!!!
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Maybe working takes my mind off certain things that have been plagueing my mind...maybe not. But I do know that after working, God has shown me that there are other more important things in life than to just worry and stress myself up over things that seem to be out of my control.

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Let go, and let God.

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At this point, there are still doubts and questions in my mind. But somehow, when I look ahead into the year 2009, I fully believe God didn't create me to live in a life of messiness. He didn't intend me to live one new year full of sorrow, anger and frustration.

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Let go, and let God.

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Thank you to those of you who do know what's been going on for the past few weeks my gratitude is with all of you. The days when I ranted and raved, complained and wept, all of you were there to remind me that I wasn't alone in this. That somehow, I still had friends who cared and didn't judge me. Most importantly, each and everyone of you told me to look up and see that God would be there for me always.

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:)

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the wounds are definitely healing at this moment but not because the situation has been resolved. But because God is giving me the strength, hope and peace to let go and let God be God in everything in my life.

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2009 is starting to look brighter... everyday that I don't cry, I feel a little bit stronger :)

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Love you, Jesus. Thank you for loving me no matter what.

on my right wrist

whenever I look at my right wrist... i remember you.

i remember seeing you first as someone i found annoying, boisterous and disobedient. the way you carried yourself in the room, you didn't seem to fit your age and i honestly felt like chaining you up so you could stop being a nuisance to all those around you.

finally, something happened. you let your actions run wild and someone took the situation into their own hands and hurt you.

but you didn't apologise or make amends. instead you sat on the floor and bawled like a five-year-old whose sweets were taken away by a big bully. then you threw your tantrum and started to kick things - the wall, the chairs, the carpet. after that, you decided to wreck some of the stuff in the room and finally hid yourself away from public scrutiny. you could just fit nicely underneath the chairs to pretend that you were in your own world while voices were all around you trying to talk sense into you.

but could you understand what was being spoken? did it register into your mind?

but how could you understand?

that was how it was when i first made contact with you. when i got down to my knees - to your level - to peek at you. you were hiding underneath the chairs trying to shut the whole world out. for the first time, i began to see and understand that perhaps you weren't being annoying on purpose... that you were as equally as frustrated and confused as all those around you were.

you were misunderstood.

when i tried to talk to you about what you did, the rage and disappointment that you felt welled up within you. the tears were in your eyes again. you had been provoked. you had been agitated. no one knew how those agitations made you feel mentally and emotionally unstable. you thought you were being threatened.

you were misunderstood.

i pulled you out from your hiding place, and I fought against your nonstop pummelling of your fists on my body. you tried to kick and push me away. you tried to pry my hands that were firmly around you. your last resort was to pinch both my wrists in an attempt to inflict pain.

it was painful. but somehow, it didn't matter anymore.

what mattered the most to me was... that you were understood.

i held you a while longer with your head against my heart as I tried to soothe your anger. your punches started to slow, your angry murmurings began to disappear as i repeatedly rubbed your chest to calm your heart beat.

i wanted you to know that you were understood.

when you stopped being angry and became scared that you would be rejected and scrutinised. i decided to show you the bruise you left on my right wrist.

you understood that it was painful for me. i told you by pointing to that wound, that eventhough it hurt me, i wouldn't hurt you in return.

and somehow, by saying that short sentence. you knew in your own way, that i accepted you for who you were and not by what you did.

when you tried to hide again and i told you the coast was clear and you would be safe... you trusted me by lifting your head again to look up.

when you stood close to me as i led you out again to the big, big world from your hiding place... it was a sign that you were trying to face the world again.

as i waved goodbye to you as you sat in the car and went home... i knew that on that day... two individuals bridged a common understanding. though few words were spoken, we were both understood in a miraculous way.

Dear Weng Onn [editted from Kent cuz i accidently put in the wrong name], one day... i want to tell you how Someone was hurt on His hands, feet and side so that all of us would never be hurt anymore. i want to share with you the story of how Someone also pointed to His wounds and told me that He would never hurt me in return, and how He too told me that the world would be safe for me because I could stick to His side and walk with Him until it was time to go Home.

Dear Weng Onn, Jesus loves you. I want to tell you that this Sunday :) i hope its another day where God's magic will be there to bridge the communication barrier between two human beings.

p.s. to those who would want to know about who Weng Onn is, email me or leave a note at my chatbox. will get back to you with details :)

what an awesome weekend :)

if only every weekend was this awesome :)

On 020109, we decided to

make our way to the beach at 10am :)

still on the way...

we're here! [ahem, at one of the beaches]

since it was pretty windy...

I got out my purple kite :)

since Timothy had his DSLR with him, decided to try

some shots in b/w (my favourite style)

Lost Season 5 (the Malaysian edition) :P

they decided to "get lost" in the sea together

but they decided to run back cuz

there were sharks in the sea

they were overjoyed that they had

returned to the beach :)

and admired jiarong's

mickey mouse pic

weeeeeeeee...!!!

then chilled at the beach chairs at Selesa Beach Resort

upon returning to KL, we went to Jalan Ipoh for BKT twice!