I would have stayed up with you all night

Step one, you say we need to talk. He walks, you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk." Though he smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through some sort of window to your right. As he goes left, you stay right. We're between the lines of fear and blame, and you begin to wonder why you came.

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

Let him know that you know best, perhaps because after all you do know best. You try to slip past his defence without granting innocence. You try to lay down a list of what is wrong, and talk about the things you've told him all along. He prays to God that he hears you, you pray too to God that he hears you too [so in the end, who's hearing who?]

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

And now as he begins to raise his voice and you lower yours and grant him one last choice. We'll try driving until you lose the road, or at least until you break with the ones you've followed. They will do just one of two things, perhaps he will admit to everything, or he'll say he's just not the same.

And you'll begin to wonder why you came...

And I sit there and think about where did I go wrong. I think I've lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. But I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.

dear you, I deleted a whole looooooong paragraph on what I wanted to say to you. because, i think you already know.

Hello 2011 : )

It's just the 4th day of the new year of 2011 and already I'm beginning to see how God is unfolding His plan for me : )

So many things have been happening in 2009 and 2010 and for me personally, those two years have been formative in helping me see the bigger picture. I spent those two years struggling between being bitter with people, feeling uncomfortable when questions weren't met with straight answers and also a period where my trusts and beliefs were challenged. I ha

ve witnessed characters being tested around me and seen the outcome for better and for worse as well.

Am I disappointed? Yes, I am. I am thoroughly bummed and disappointed to see people I deemed respectable, people that I looked up to, people that I had fellowship with, to in the end be reduced to nit-picking, name-calling and condemning individuals. Whatever happened to building God's kingdom together?

Yes, I mean you. I had always thought we'd be able to tough things out, but somehow, you chose to follow a blind person. I'm being blunt. You would rather

choose to follow pleasant circumstances instead of hanging onto the principles that we both said we'd protect and uphold all the days of our lives.

Am I angry? Yes, very much. I am angry because inn

ocent people were subjected to ill treatment. I am upset because people would rather pick a fight then to relax, cool down, and settle it like adults should. It seems to me, you just feel indignant because someone disturbed your sandbox. Moreover, washing another person's dirty laundry makes your hands stink. You know why, because you didn't dirty it in the first place, how would you know what the stains were? So in the course of washing it, you stain your hands with unknown traces of other people's dirt and you feel disgusted.

Bottom line: You weren't meant to wash it out for the

other person in the first place la...

Do I want to talk about it? Yes, I do. Simply because I desire to clear the air about things. Unfortunately some people choose to stand at a distance and discuss matters without allowing the real issues surface. Moreover, some people would rather just pretend that nothing's wrong and live life as if it never affected people. Sweeping it under the carpet is just as bad mind you.

I bet you think I'm talking about you. If you think I am, work up the guts to ask me direct, and ask me if am I referring to you. If you dare not, have the decency not to tell another person, "I think she's talking about us you know."

Assumption is the greater sin after all : )

Hello 2011, I know you will be wonderful. Because 2010 tested my common sense, my perception of people and circumstances and has somehow made me grow a little more wiser in my approach towards life. Here are some lessons from the past year that will remind me to look at 2011 with hope and faith in God:

I have learnt that trust is something that is mutual. You can only trust me when I'm with you after I give you trust first and vice versa.

I realise that real friends stick up for each other, not run away when circumstances crop up. Thanks to circumstances, I finally realised who were my real friends.

I saw with my own eyes and experienced God vindicating me. When people accuse you of things, just wait on the Lord, and He will send evidence right to your doorstep and He will be your defence and strong shield.

I learnt that the moment I removed the bitterness from my heart, I could forgive better, I could respect better and I could hope better. Our enemy indeed isn't the devil, it's

ourselves. When we hold bitterness within, we are truthfully just fighting a civil war with ourselves. How fun is that =="

I resolve to be real about my circumstances. I resolve to be slow to anger, quick to listen. I resolve that no matter what, my spiritual family is a group of people that I will be willing to protect and love no matter what. I resolve to love much, complain lesser and appreciate more.

But most of all, I resolve to pursue You like never before.

Because You deserve all the glory and all the praise.

For You have been faithful and patient with someone like me.

Just because You love me despite my shortcomings and never hold my past against me.

p.s. may your 2011 be blessed greatly by His love and grace for your life!

Astronomical Grace

I recently watched a video where the preacher talked about how awesome and great was the creation of the universe. He showed pictures of the planets, galaxies, the sun; he wow-ed the crowd with stunning numbers of how long it would take to travel the whole span of just one light year. He silenced the audience into awe as we stared at the image of one tiny, pale blue dot in space in the far distance when the Hubble Space Telescope transmitted images back to earth.

That tiny blue dot is us. I can just use one of my pinky fingers, and I would have not just blotted, but swallowed the entire existence of the blue planet we call Earth.

How small we are in the eyes of God!

When we look at that blue planet, the interesting thing is it's a whole mass of blue and white. Out of the earth, we look upon this planet and realise that you can't see anything else. All the wars, fights, nations, traffic, people, animals, issues, law, order... You can't see any of those. Everything just looks uniform, blue and white. That's all.

We are that infinitely small in the eyes of God. Wow.

And out of that infinitely small, near to nothingness in the eyes of God... He decided to love us.

Who are we, that God should consider loving us, mankind? Sometimes we think, isn't the universe too big to only have one planet earth covered with living people? Maybe from our perspective it seems so.

But if the universe was made THAT big on purpose so that God could show His majesty, glory and awesomeness, then the universe would be just the right size for Him to be there for us to discover Him.

And again it hits me, that we are so small to Him, our solar system is but just a tiny dot on the Milky Way, and the Milky Way is but just one small galaxy in the known universe... let alone there is still the undiscovered Unknown Universe?

Wow.

How can we not see Him in this grand master piece of Creation?

But what is far more out of this universe is that God, the Creator of all the things we see around us and the higher heavens in outer space, He chose to do something unimaginable. The Creator stepped down onto earth - that tiny blue speck of dust - and died for all of us.

We receive His grace for our lives knowing that we are but just a speck of dust floating in space. We receive His grace knowing that it isn't by what we do, that we can impress Him so much that He has no choice but to save us. We are so small? No matter how big our achievements are, the biggest achievements on the face of the earth might need a magnifying glass to bring to His attention if he were looking at the speck that we are :p

And in knowing this, I am in awe just how much He has shown His love to me. Especially for the past months. His loving kindness. His mercy. His redeeming love. His standing up and defending me when enemies pressed around and demanded my life. So many moments where I realise just how unworthy I am at times when I am unfaithful.

But the point is, it's not about me.

It's all about Him.

The heavens declare the glory of the Lord.

And even the rocks cry out to praise Him.

When I realise it's all about Him and not me, I begin to see that those around me are loved equally by Him. Regardless of what we've done or not done, grace is God at work, when man has failed in accomplishing.

By my strength or weaknesses, I can never increase or decrease the love that God has for every human that He created into being. By my setbacks, it does not deter Him from loving me just the same and accepting me as His child. By my failures, He does not use it as an excuse to bring a list of "to-dos" in order to regain His favour and love.

No, I ain't good enough, but He still loves me :D

And somehow, may we ALL remember that Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ. We celebrate Christmas because that is the day when hope came into mankind. His death brought us back to life so that we may proclaim the good news to those who have yet to hear it for themselves.

God has given us that role, to preach the good news. To tell those who think they have no return that there is a return. It isn't by penitence, it isn't by remorse, but the return comes through forgiveness and love.

For love, hopes all things, believes all things.

Love keeps no accounts of wrong doings.

Love never parades itself.

Love is not selfish, it is patient; Love is kind

Love is not jealous

Love covers a multitude of sins

Understanding the concept of Love with your brain works easy. We think we've got it all figured out and one fine day, circumstances will come to test your heart if what was learnt earlier had become a living conviction in the deepest part of our lives.

Love can be tested, and only true love triumphs. That is the love that Christ gave on the Cross, and it triumphs over sin and temptation.

Merry Christmas.